Book Review: Kinky Gazpacho by Lori Tharps

Lori Tharps grew up in the white suburbs of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, went to private school, attended a prestigious college, and continuously never felt a sense of belonging among her own people and a part of her own culture. While her life may not be too unlike the lives led by thousands of other American people, her accomplishments and her journey through life makes for an intriguing and captivating memoir.

Tharps’ memoir starts off when she is in the third grade, listening to her teacher tell the class about an International Day bazaar where the students would be participating by sharing their cultures in the form of food, games, decorations, and dress reflecting their native countries. Being the only black girl in her class and one of only a handful in her entire private school, the prospect of International Day weighed on her mind and brought her to the conclusion that on that day, her classmates would realize that she was different than they were; that she was less than them. Deciding not to attend school in costume that day because she did not want to attend school dressed as a slave, she went throughout the day in a panic, hoping that no one would ask her why she was not dressed in a costume reflecting her heritage. Throughout the following school years of Tharps’ life, similar thoughts and memories arise very much like her third grade International Day bazaar. She was raised in a privileged household and attended private school and for a fraction of one particular school year when she was nudged into the public school system, Tharps was received as a snob who was trying to “act white” by the other black girls she had wanted to fit in with, was ostracized by other black young women during her college years, and that was just the beginning of the racial dilemmas she would encounter throughout her life.

From a young age, Tharps became infatuated with Spain; knowing that Spain was her destiny and that she would someday live there. While in college, she traveled to Morocco with the American Field Service, but later studied abroad in Spain, where she came face to face with the culture she never knew Spain to have. She notices that a great deal of products, such as something as simple as a chocolate bar, has racist connotations, but when she brings them to the attention of Spanish natives, they are quick to declare that Spain is not a racist place. But after falling in love with a Spaniard, getting married, and having children, she spends a great deal of time traveling to Spain and her memoir becomes a detective story on how Spain had been involved in slavery. Throughout her life in Spain, Lori Tharps had searched for where the kinky mixed with the gazpacho.

I absolutely loved this memoir; it was a simple and lightweight read that packed a punch of reality that is undeniable. I devoured her memoir in utter anticipation of what her next move in life would be and was overjoyed over her boldness and determination to uncover a black past in a country where most of its citizen were unaware of the world that had come before and still revolved around them. The only flaw with the book is that it leaves you wanting to know and experience more of her life and general thoughts. Kinky Gazpacho will bring you on a journey that is so much more than merely a life led by a woman who dares to open her mouth and question her surroundings.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Book Review: No Matter What! by Lisa Nichols

I usually stay very far away from any type of self help-like books; I’ve always believed that people who just so happened to become successful in their lives felt it was their right to write a self help book for the masses based on very little personal merit and rode on the coattails of the fact that the mass populace had heard of them before (ie: Dr. Phil.) I’ve also become very fed up with books targeted towards women that repeat the mantra of “You’re great and can do anything you set your mind to… As long as you have a man in your life.” So when I had heard of Lisa Nichol’s book, No Matter What!: 9 Steps to Living the Life You Love, I was weary. In fact, I was ready to pass on the book completely because to me, a self help book of any kind is pretty much interchangeable for the next supposed “big, self help phenomenon” on the market. But I didn’t pass on the book and luckily, Lisa Nichols didn’t present her readers with regurgitated bullet points and run of the mill anecdotes and advice to reaching your greater good.

To put it bluntly, Lisa Nichols is real. No Matter What! is full of Nichols’ true to life stories from relationship struggles, to thoughts of suicide, to becoming a single mother, to more relationship struggles, to knowing what she wanted to do with her life and her own struggle to get there. She shares with her readers the truth about her life and what she had to do to get to where she truly wanted and knew she had to be. She sugarcoats nothing, which is what appealed to me the most. I cannot tell you how many times I found myself rolling my eyes while reading a book that claimed it could help me and my life because the situations in the book were too small to really put my own life in the shoes of the author. Everyone has had relationship trouble and many people have weight issues and while these two life situations come up in most everyone’s life, an author will not get into the heads of the readers to really help me without touching on the fact that these situations can become increasingly difficult to deal with. These situations vary in severity from person to person, obviously, but an author must be prepared to handle the severity of the situation that may be present in a great deal of their readers lives. That is the reason why I enjoyed Lisa Nichol’s book so much. She shares uplifting stories from her life as well as the heartbreaking, angry, and even shameful stories of her life and throughout it all, she tells her readers that no, it wasn’t easy to get past those roadblocks, but she did it and she has the same hopes for the people that she reaches out to through her book and through her speaking appearances.

No Matter What! is not merely a book that is to be read once and then forgotten; it is a resource that can be used countless times throughout your life. In every chapter of the book there are a series of action steps to help hone your nine “bounce back muscles” that are imperative to have throughout life because with these muscles (The Understanding Muscle, The Faith in Myself Muscle, The Take Action Muscle, The I Know Like I Know Muscle, The Honesty Muscle, The Determination Muscle, The Forgiveness Muscle, and The Highest Choice Muscle) you can achieve what you want to achieve in your life… No matter what!

Admittedly, I enjoyed reading Lisa Nichols’ stories about herself rather than the sections where she gave advice on how to change your life. She is a great writer and can tell a great story that leaves you wanting more information about the situation and what she did afterward, which is understandable since she is also the co-author of Chicken Soup for the African American Women’s Soul. I am assuming I would have enjoyed the Lisa Nichols memoir even more.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Leslie Patricelli Offers Up a Series of Bright & Delightful Books for Children

Leslie Patricelli is the author and illustrator of a series of bright, silly, engaging, and delightful books for children.

Baby Happy Baby Sad is perfect for toddlers and goes through the two most definitive emotions a baby has every single day–Happiness and sadness. It is a thick board book, full of color, highlighting scenarios that may occur in a baby’s day such as playing in mud, which of course makes the baby happy and getting a bath, which makes the baby sad.

However, my personal favorite of the two books is Higher! Higher! Higher! Higher! is an adorable tale of a young girl on a swing pleading with her father to keep pushing her higher and higher. It is a particularly silly but charming book that truly takes hold of a child’s imagination and the little girl continuously goes higher and higher on the swing. She goes higher than a giraffe, higher than a building, higher than the mountains, into the sky, and lastly, she meets a little alien and they high five. I absolutely adored this book; it is a definite must-have for any young child.

What I especially loved about this book is the fact that the book involves a young daughter and her father, rather than her mother. I am a stepmother of two daughters and in the society we live in, we so often see images of children and their mother’s and while that is important, we often overlook the importance of a child’s father in their life.

These are not the only books by Leslie Patricelli; she is also the author and illustrator of other books for young children including Binky, Blankie, BIG Little, Quiet LOUD, Yummy YUCKY, and The Birthday Box; all of which are sure to be hits with your children. Patricelli’s books can be bought on Candlewick Press’ website.

Buy Baby Happy Baby Sad | Buy Higher! Higher!

Book Review: If Women Ran the World Sh*t Would Get Done by Shelly Rachanow

As soon as I read the title of this book, the first thing I thought of was ‘Damn straight!’ and I am sure many, many other women thought that to themselves upon first glance, but If Women Ran the World Sh*t Would Get Done is a great deal more than just a completely spot on, oh-so-true title; it is a collection of wonderful, amazing, stupendous, inspiring, butt-kicking things that women have done, continue to do, and your motivation and inspiration to do all of the butt-kicking things you want to do.

Women have done a great deal of amazing, awe-inspiring, and out of this world things to improve the quality of people’s lives everywhere simply by imagining the world as they would like to see it and creating it. But despite all that women have and continue to do to change the world, we are still often denied the respect that we have worked for and undoubtedly deserve. Most often, we are not taken seriously and even degraded and ridiculed for the work that we do because of society that has yet to overcome the patriarchy.

Even if we’re not making international headlines, in Rachanow’s mind (as well as in all women’s minds!) we should be given Nobel Prizes for friendship. We should be celebrated for what we do for our friends, for our families, for our jobs, for the world, and yes, even for ourselves. Self love and self care are what a lot of women have trouble doing because naturally, we are nurturers; we take care of our friends and our families and we stand up for and battle for the civil liberties and rights that we should undoubtedly possess for our determination and hard work at our jobs but when it comes to doing for ourselves, we tend to make excuses and we tend to think that we have not done enough yet in order to simply celebrate how much we have kicked butt that day. Rachanow gives us all that kick in the pants we need to celebrate who we are and what we do every single day of our lives and gives us the permission we so often deny ourselves to celebrate what we do as well as who we do it for.

Every page of this book is full of inspiration and motivation to celebrate what we do all the time and highlights the courageous, mind-blowing things women have done. Women created The American Legacy Foundation in efforts to build a world where young people can reject tobacco and help your friends quit smoking for good. Trickle Up is another organization that was created by the minds and hands of a woman sick of hearing about eradicating poverty and who actually did something about it. As we continue to learn more about exactly what women have done throughout the years to change the world, Rachanow tenderly reminds us at the end of every section that we too have the power to do wonderful, amazing, stupendous, inspiring, butt-kicking things equipped with lined pages to remind ourselves what we do for our families, how we’ve kicked butt that day when we don’t feel as if we have done quite enough, what we would do if we ran the world, what we will demand in our lives that we are not currently receiving and refuse to accept anything less, and of course, what we will get done for ourselves–Because we deserve it for all we do!

If Women Ran the World Sh*t Would Get Done is a no-bullshit book that will jump start your mind to begin thinking about the world you would like to see and the steps you can take to create it.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Book Review: Getting Naked Again by Judith Sills, PhD

Relationship expert and bestselling author of titles including Excess Baggage, Fine Romance, and The Comfort Trap, or What If You’re Riding a Dead Horse?, Judith Sills’ latest offering to women is a big dose of reality, compassion, and humor served straight up.

Getting Naked Again is for any newly-single (or not-so-newly single) woman easing into romance, sex, and/or a new relationship after a divorce or a death of a spouse, but mostly and especially for women emerging from divorce after a lengthy marriage. Sills’ language is fast-paced and hilarious and will undoubtedly make you think that she is not merely a relationship expert, but someone who has met you, spent time with you, and then wrote a book about you and your life through the past months or even years. This book reads more like a group of close girlfriends with the famous, no holds barred dialogue between good friends that every woman experiences at some point in her life, or if she’s lucky, throughout her life. Getting Naked Again exposes that dialogue women have either with their friends or with themselves because sometimes what women think to themselves is not something that they would openly share with other people. Why? Because women do not like and will sometimes even downright refuse to put themselves in a place of vulnerability that is able to be seen by other people. Instead of seeming vulnerable, we appear strong, put together, confident, and self-aware while inside, we sometimes feel not completely sure of ourselves and even scared, especially when it comes to easing ourselves back into romance after thinking of ourselves as a part of a couple for so long.

Getting Naked Again will ease you out of whatever comfort zone you have been living in, whether you’ve thrown yourself into grandparenting, your career, a new career, compulsive baking, or a myriad of other activities women have a tendency to rely on in order to keep themselves afloat or just busy. It will guide you into realizing and accepting your situation and even embracing your singlehood while you test and try on potential long-term companions. Not only does Sills make you feel comfortable in who and where you are in your life, she gives you the Lincoln Logs to build your own future where you decide what happens in your life and how you transcend into the next phase of your life.

Getting Naked Again is the ultimate resource for older women (around age 30 and up) who have found themselves newly-single and need that one friend who identifies with what they’re feeling and is always full of great advice.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Women Step Out of the Closet of Shame & Start Talking Openly About Periods

Most women remember their first periods and no matter what emotion or range of emotions they experienced on that day, they can still look back on it many years later and smile–for one reason or another. No matter what a woman thinks about her period, the bottom line is that it is with us for the long haul. It is one of our long-term relationships and even if we love it or hate it, it is with us for the majority of our lives; and if we live with our periods for the majority of our lives, why do women (in general) constantly feel shamed by it?

A great deal of women will give you an odd, ‘what planet are you from’ look if you ask them to tell you about their first periods. Many women (and especially men) will visibly become bothered if you dare speak its name during a conversation. Most men downright refuse to go on late-night or after work runs to the store to pick up a box of pads or tampons and all of these situations deal with the shame that is associated with menstruation. Sure, our lack of openness can be chalked up to menstruation happening to be an awkward subject, but it goes deeper than that, especially considering that it doesn’t have to be and it only is because our society has let itself become a woman-shaming society.

I have always been very open about my body, my sexuality, and the miracles that the body of a woman can perform in her lifetime. I honestly did not know where this openness came from, being raised by a single father, but I always had strong female role models in my life, one of which was my father’s girlfriend who became my mother-figure throughout my childhood. She taught me that the anatomy of a woman is beautiful and despite the abuse I had endured as a child from my mother (and the reason why my mother has not been in my life for more than a decade) there is nothing to feel ashamed about when it comes to your own body because it is yours and no one else’s and no one can tell you that you are not beautiful and that your body is in any way something to be looked at as vulgar or disgusting; including menstruation. For a while I thought that perhaps my natural-born feminism was something instilled in me from my upbringing, but from running this website (and hello, have you noticed the name of my website?) as well as paying special attention to the women who come from my generation, I am noticing that there are a great deal of women who are coming out of the shame closet; who are demanding that the awkwardness associated with the bodies and bodily functions of women are what is truly shameful and that the period is something that should be spoken about openly and honestly. That is exactly what Rachel Kauder Nalebuff, a young woman of 18, did when she started asking women to tell her about their first periods.

Nalebuff realized with her own first period and hearing the story of her Aunt’s first period that she had kept a secret for over 50 years, that people needed to start talking about this and the other events that happen in a young woman’s life that people are simply refusing to talk about openly. Something needs to be done in this society that would let this silence continue for so long and keep so many women captive in its process of women-shaming. And so she started collecting stories from women and girls all over the world about their first periods and now presents us with an absolute gem, My Little Red Book, for women and girls of all ages who are either just about to get their periods, just got it and feel awkward about it, or for women who remember their first periods vividly and celebrate the right of passage that we as women have to talk openly about it.

There are 90 short stories in all and several names we’ve come to know through their own books and activism work make appearances in this book, including Jennifer Baumgardner, Meg Cabot, Megan McCafferty, and Gloria Steinem’s 1978 essay, ‘If Men Could Menstruate’ which originally had appeared in Ms. Magazine also appears in this book. There are stories of how many women thought themselves to be dying when noticing the small stain in their panties, women who “faked” their periods when knowing that their friends had gotten their periods before them, and my favorite is a story about a mother who when her daughter first got her period and felt awkward about it, she had to do something to mark the day and so she bought her daughter a vase full of red roses and in another story, her daughter talks about how special those roses were to here and how she had kept the vase for years after that first period. Another one of my favorite parts of this book is that so many women talk about the Judy Blume book, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret a book that you would think comes with all little girls at birth due to how widely-read and coveted it is, albeit a bit out of date for those of us who have never seen these menstrual pad belts Margaret speaks of.

My Little Red Book is a must for all women who have ever felt shamed or awkward about their period and also for every girl’s first period kit.

All of the proceeds of this book are being donated to charity because there is a lot to be done as far as making the bodily functions of women something that can be widely spoken about. There is also a great need for activism in countries like Africa, where because of the lack of menstrual supplies, a young girl will not receive the education that she is entitled to because one week out of every month will be spent out of school due to her period.

In the back of My Little Red Book, there is a section of books to read about periods including, yes, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret and there is also a Do More section where your support for organizations like Planned Parenthood, who are the largest provider of sexual education and health services in the United States, as well as Choice USA, a youth-led organization that seeks to protect women’s reproductive rights, can tremendously help girls receive the sexual education that they too are entitled to. A company that I would like to add, is Lunapads. Lunapads are based in Canada and make reusable, cloth and fleece pads. Not only do they make a transition from disposables to reusable pads easy, their pads are completely harmless, unlike disposables that contain bleach and synthetic fibers. Lunapads also does great work for girls in Africa by giving them their Pads4Girls Kit and each pad has a lifespan of 5 years or more that will help African girls attend school when they have their periods.

You can find out even more about this book and even share your own first period story at MyLittleRedBook.net.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Book Review: Be True to Yourself: A Daily Guide for Teenage Girls

I can vividly remember my “awkward teenage years.” It’s no surprise, really; they didn’t happen that long ago and looking back at those years objectively now, I have come to one definitive summary of those awkward teenage years–They are terrifying.

I recently experienced what happens when teenage rebellion and teenage angst is not simply a phase that one evolves out of, but a genuine problem that requires a sufficient amount of help with my 16 year old sister. There are hundreds of issues that affect the average teen every day and one of those issues is most often parents. Teenagers simply do not feel comfortable talking to their parents about important life issues. While that is unfortunate, I believe that it is a part of the growing up process to withdraw from your parents and is not something that can be helped because very, very few parents have that text book “perfect” relationship with their teens.

One of the most prominent activities I have always had in my life is reading. I have always had a genuine love for the written word and thankfully that trait has also emerged in my younger sister. I read Be True to Yourself and because it deals with the hundreds (366, to be exact) of issues that teens face on a daily basis, I knew that my sister would gain some wisdom from the book.

While the sub-title of Be True to Yourself is A Daily Guide for Teenage Girls, it really is just that. The book tackles one issue per day and gives teenage girls a daily message and is easily the companion they need during the years they need it the most, offering encouragement and daring teens to look inside of themselves for the answers to their true problems.

Be True to Yourself is the perfect gift for any teenage girl, no other gift could help them more and instead of being presented in a step-by-step self help kind of way, the format is a lot more fun and appealing to even girls who don’t like to read.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Write, Collage & Play Your Way to the Life of Your Dreams

As we take our first few steps into adulthood we are often told that now is the time to “grow up.” To get serious about our futures, get a stable job that we are most likely going to hate in a few months yet still find ourselves there after 20 years, and make sure we can support ourselves and the family we’re supposed to start as soon as possible with whatever person who is willing to put a ring on our fingers. Before you know it, we’ve been living the “grown up” life for decades and forgot all about those dreams we had for our lives while we were growing up.

Life is fast-paced. Life is much like going 120mph in a 35mph zone. It waits for no one and if we don’t keep up, life is pounce all over us without a second thought. As an adult who is determined to live the life I’ve always dreamed of for myself, I look at my family and the jobs that they have and I wonder about the lives they wanted for themselves before adulthood happened to them. So few of us really get to do what we want with our lives and I find that so unfortunate that I often find myself urging the people close to me to do what they really want for themselves; to go after their true passions instead of just living a life that gets them by and that is exactly what the author of the Permission to Dream journal, Lisa Hammond, has done.

The Permission to Dream Journal is all about giving yourself the permission to go back in time and think about the dreams you had when you were younger; before life got in the way. It is a spectacular journal that allows you to write, collage, play and get back in touch with the arts and crafts child, teenager and/or young adult in us and really fulfill our dreams. If you knew that you wouldn’t–couldn’t–fail, what would you do with your life? Would you go back to school? Start your own business? Become a dancer or a veterinarian or an archaeologist? We are the only ones with full control over our own lives and while some of us may forget that at times, the Permission to Dream journal reminds us.

The Permission to Dream journal is a one of a kind journal with sections like ‘Remember Your Dreams,’ ‘Building Your Dreams,’ and ‘Living Your Dreams.’ Each section begins with a wish list and a prompt that will get your in the mindset to really let your dreams take off. It brings you from simply thinking about your dreams and how you want to live your life and into thinking about what it would take to accomplish it. Not only is the sky the limit in this journal, but it will get you thinking in terms of doing and no longer just wishing.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

Book Review: Breathe My Name by R.A. Nelson

Breathe My Name is both an electric and terrifying story that you can’t help but devour in big, heaping gulps.

Frances Robinson is a quiet, mouse-like eighteen year old living in a beautiful house with a loving and devoted family. She has a great best friend and a charming (and completely cute) boyfriend named Nix who recently moved from Louisiana. Her life is the definition of a full and happy but Frances has a secret. A secret about her past; about her childhood, her three sisters and a mother and father she had before being adopted by the Robinsons. She and her childhood family lived in the country of Fireless, a country that was beautiful, mysterious and made up by her birth mother. But as much as Fireless was make believe, the lure of the country led Frances’ mother into a maddening depression until she one day, in the quiet of a morning like any other, she suffocated her children one by one with a pillow. Frances’ mother led her into the bedroom where she would suffocate her too and when Frances saw her three younger sisters laid out on the bed, their eyes open and their bodies limp with the life snuffed out of them, she began to fight. She fought until she escaped and she escaped all the way to Alabama with the Robinsons; states away from her childhood home, her deranged mother, her father who was hardly around due to working long and strenuous hours, and away from her three sisters who had been murdered at their mother’s hand.

Frances starts noticing a man in a car several times outside of her house and outside of her school and one day she comes home to find the man standing in her kitchen with her parents. He tells her that her mother, who plead out of jail time for murdering her children due to mental insanity, is in a halfway house and has sent a letter for her. When Frances opens this letter, it is filled with several blank sheets of paper–Except for one that simply says “I need to see you. Please come right away. We have to finish.”

Frances makes the decision to travel the few states away from her family in Alabama to the halfway house her mother is now located in. In typical “curiosity killed the cat” fashion, Frances needs to see what happened to her mother and most of all, what ‘We have to finish.” means.

Her journey leads her back to her childhood–The good times that she had with her mother and also the last day that she saw her. It sends her through a mix of emotions and also feelings she never knew that she could have. Breathe My Name is a beautifully written novel full of surprises that intrigues you with its story the moment you start reading it. I loved the story and found it to be better than I thought it would be when I first read the synopsis on the inside cover. It also brought me back to my own childhood, having been abandoned by my own mother after six years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. It arouse feelings and thoughts inside of me that I didn’t know I could have and I found myself instantly sympathizing with Frances and the mixture of feelings she was having and the nightmares that awoke her night after night about her childhood.

Breathe My Name is a novel that will chill you to the bone and then console you.

Rating:
Buy the Book!

De-clutter Your Bookshelf

If anyone is guilty of keeping books as a form of trophies or just has a genuine dislike and even a fear of getting rid of books, it’s me. I have bookshelves full of books, some of which I’ve had since my childhood and while I know I will most likely never read some of the books again, books to me are like lives that I once had, lives that I borrowed or tried on for the amount of time it took me to devour them. Books have always been my escape from the routine of daily life and while I may not read those books again, getting rid of any of them would feel like throwing away a part of my life. But you know that you have a problem when books start taking over your house and while all of your books may have a special place in your heart, sometimes it’s just time to let go and in the process, you have the opportunity to share the stories in the books you own and even get new books cheaply or even for free.

Book swapping is great for people who want to get rid of old books and make room for new books. Granted, with book swapping you will pay either shipping costs or a set fee for books you receive. However, you can book swap for free with friends, co-workers or family members, but when you don’t have that option, book swapping services are great.

There are a few websites that all works in the same way. With these websites there is no membership fee, but you pay for the shipping of each book you send out and for each book you ship you earn credits that go towards other books you want.

• Bookmooch
• PaperBackSwap
• Readers United
• WhatsOnMyBookshelf

FrugalReader is a book trading service with free standard membership that works like the above book swapping websites do but also includes paid premium membership that comes with some extra perks.

Title Trader works a lot like the other book swapping websites but is unique because it extends not only to books but also CDs and DVDs.

Novel Action works a lot differently than the other sites. There is a membership fee of $25 per year, which comes to a little over $2 a month. There are no transaction fees, but you pay $4.80 for the shipping of up to six pounds of books.

For the UK book lovers there’s ReadItSwapIt which you can give and receive books and pay only for the books you ship to others. It doesn’t use a credit system like the other websites and you are free to refuse to send books requested by others.

These websites are foolproof in helping you de-clutter your bookshelves. Don’t be afraid to get rid of books you either didn’t like that much or are sure you are not going to read again. Books don’t have to be trophies of how well read you are or how smart you are when there are so many other books out there to indulge yourself in.

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