Since my first post, I have had the pleasure of partnering with Adore Me for a review of my choice of lingerie from one of my recent showrooms.

I chose the Zoey camisole and panty set, which is really fun and flirty. As soon as I saw it in my showroom, I got all wide-eyed and excited about it. I am often apprehensive when it comes to picking out lingerie. I may like how something looks in a picture on a website, but I sometimes have to remind myself that the person wearing that piece of lingerie is a model and probably about ten sizes smaller than me. Because of this, even when I really like something, I’ll wait a little while and then go back and look at it again, try to envision how it would look on me, and if I could pull something like that off as well as the model in the picture so obviously can. None of these thoughts posed any negative influence on how I saw the Zoey set; as soon as I saw it, I was sold.

The camisole and panties are made of a blend of black polyester and spandex that is predominantly see-through, and features black velvet polka dot detailing throughout. There are purple bows at the center front of the camisole and panties, as well as bows at the front of each adjustable strap. There is also a purple ruffle around the bottom hem of the camisole, which sends this set just slightly over the top in terms of how cute and girly it is; qualities I very often completely revel in.

I wish this set had more accommodating sizes. It is available in either Small/Medium or Medium/Large, and since I would have opted for a plain old size Large, being a size 12 woman, I got the size Medium/Large and held my breath in trepidation the first time I put the camisole on.

The fit was fine. It was a little tighter in the stomach than I would have liked, but it wasn’t unbearable and throughout the past few weeks, I have worn it comfortably on many occasions. After a little adjusting of the straps, I was able to cover my 36D chest with the triangle cups; barely, but they made in. However, while I was covered when standing, sitting, and generally just not moving very much, I did have several “pop out” issues when attempting any broader movements. Really anything involving much upper body movement quickly became out of the question. This leads me to believe that this camisole would be absolutely perfect for women with a B or even a small C cup chest. Perfect! But alas, it was not totally flattering for my chest, personally.

The matching panties are mid-rise bikini style with subtle scrunching down the center of the back. They have unique styling all their own, because while the front is the same matching see-through black with velvet polka dot detailing as the camisole, the back are bright purple, also see-through; the same color purple featured in the ruffle along the bottom hem of the camisole.

Frankly, I am absolutely in love with these panties. They are so comfortable that I could very easily wear them whenever and wherever, and because of the scrunching in the back, my ass looks downright spectacular. It’s always great to have a piece (or pieces) of lingerie that make you feel as gorgeous and confident as these panties make me feel. In fact, if I found panties that were guaranteed to look and feel just like these, only in a variety of different colors and patterns, I would buy 10 pairs, no question. They are that great.

I still think the Zoey camisole and panty set is really fun and super cute and girly, and it would be an amazing addition to someone’s lingerie wardrobe if that person happened to have a smaller bust than I do. Size is a curse sometimes, it’s true.

Sign up for an Adore Me account and start getting personalized lingerie showrooms of your own! Zoey, along with all of their other lingerie, are $39.95 per set.

I received the Zoey camisole and panty set for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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In the past few days, I have reviewed the three products in the Trojan Vibrations line of intimate massagers:

The Pulse, a standard clitoral and external stimulator with a soft, slightly textured silicone tip. It is waterproof and has 6 settings–3 speeds of vibration and 3 pulse patterns.

Read the full review »

The Tri-Phoria, a clitoral and external stimulator that provides a variety of sensations with three high-quality interchangeable tips. It is waterproof and has 8 settings–5 speeds of vibration and 3 pulse patterns.

Read the full review »

The Twister, an insertable vibrator with a high-quality silicone tip and unique handle that features four twistable positions and 8 settings–5 speeds of vibration and 3 pulse patterns.

Read the full review »

In addition to being able to review these products, Trojan Vibrations has also given us the opportunity to give away a Trojan Vibrations Pleasure Package, which will include all three of their intimate massagers. To enter, use the Rafflecopter form below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received the line of Trojan Vibrations intimate massagers for review and the opportunity to host this giveaway. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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• Trojan Vibrations Twister Intimate Massager Review

Upon first removing the Twister Intimate Massager from its cardboard packaging and plastic form, I was surprised by the size of this toy. I had not seen the image of it being held in someone’s hand (which is an extremely accurate representation of its size) prior to seeing it in-person, and I think I was initially expecting it to be smaller because of the size of both the Pulse and Tri-Phoria massagers, which I have also reviewed. Granted, those products are strictly clitoral and external stimulators, sized to easily fit into one’s hand and maneuver effortlessly around the areas of the body you are stimulating. Honestly, I think that because I was most looking forward to the Twister, out of all of the Trojan Vibrations intimate massagers, that I was just waiting for it to not be what I expected in the worst possible way. I was waiting for it to let me down, starting with its size. However, I am happy to be able to say that the Twister measures from the tips of my fingers to the end of my wrist in length, with the girth of about my three middle fingers, making it large enough in length and girth to actually be very pleasurable when inserted. This was such an immediate and welcomed change of pace from the other products in the Trojan Vibrations line of intimate massagers.

Keeping in line with the Trojan Vibrations color scheme, the Twister is light purple hard plastic with a dark purple silicone insertable shaft. Aptly named, what sets the Twister apart from other, standard vibrators, is the fact that the silicone shaft can be twisted into four different positions. When it first starts out, it is angled at an upward curve, perfect for intense, delightful g-spot stimulation. By facing the toy towards you, just as you would when using it, and turning the shaft of the massager counterclockwise, you can move the curve to face left, downward, and right, each position giving you a very different internal sensation while still maintaining a feeling of fullness. As you twist the tip of the vibrator into a new position, you will hear a click that lets you know that a new position has been reached; twist the tip in the opposite direction to return to the previous positions.

The ability to twist the shaft into multiple positions is an awesome idea, but if you are the type of person who likes to mix up the sensations you’re feeling mid-play, the Twister can get tedious and your hands, body, and surrounding areas could get a little messy. When you use an insertable vibrator, naturally it is going to become wet and/or sticky, this is especially true if you use a lubricant (water-based only when you’re using a toy made of silicone!) The shaft of the Twister is not designed to rotate while being used internally, so if you are using it in the upward curve for g-spot stimulation and want to switch its position, you will have to remove the vibrator, grasp the shaft, and twist it into the desired position. Afterwards, everything that was on the shaft of the vibrator is now on your hand. If you have the desire to change its position multiple times, your hands are bound to get very slippery and sticky, and so will everything you touch.

The Twister Intimate Massager has 8 settings–5 speeds of vibration and 3 pulse patterns. It takes two AA batteries, which are included, and can be inserted by removing the battery cap from the bottom of the hard plastic handle of the massager. Insert the batteries and replace the battery cap by lining up the line on the cap with the thick line on the case; turn clockwise until the cap is firmly in place, and you’re done. At the bottom of the battery cap are two dark purple silicone buttons, one with a – sign and another with a + sign. Press the + button to turn the vibrator on and it will begin vibrating at its lowest speed. By continuing to press this button, the vibrator will cycle through its settings and you can use the – button to return to the previous setting, cycle down through them, and ultimately turn it off.

The intensity of the Twister’s vibrations aren’t amazing, nor are they as intense when felt against my vulva and clitoris as some other vibrators I have had that also take two AA batteries. However, when the Twister is inserted, the intensity of the settings feel more powerful; the sensation of the silicone shaft itself and the vibrations and pulsations work together to elicit a pretty great result, making the Twister one of relatively few vibrators in my collection that I will use regularly.

The silicone shaft of the Twister attracts virtually all of the lint and hair (animal and human alike) that happens to be anywhere in the vicinity of where you have the nerve to set it down without first putting it into the black satin pouch that is also included for safekeeping. Because of the amount of residue the silicone grabs a hold of, be sure to thoroughly wash the Twister with warm water and all-natural soap or toy cleaner after every use; dry it completely and immediately put it into the black satin pouch until the next time you use it.

One (tiny) thing that makes zero sense to me is the fact that included with both the Pulse and Tri-Phoria products was a single Trojan Her Pleasure condom. The included literature and instructions for each of these products included step-by-step directions and diagrams of how to properly use the condom, not with the toy, but with a male. However, there was no condom included with the Twister. This baffled me because the Twister is the only product in the Trojan Vibrations line of intimate massagers that you can actually use a condom with to keep the silicone shaft protected. This was also a little disheartening to me because my partner and I tried out the Trojan Her Pleasure condom when I found it in the package of the first product I opened, and we love them so much that I had actually opened all of the intimate massagers solely for the condoms, but that’s a topic for a whole other review.

The Twister Intimate Massager is $59.99 and you can purchase it on the Trojan Vibrations website.

I received the Trojan Vibrations Twister Intimate Massager for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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When I first saw the Pulse Intimate Massager, I thought it was pretty much going to be the boring younger sibling of the Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager. Turns out I was completely right.

The Pulse is a basic and straightforward clitoral and external stimulator with no additional attachments, unlike the Tri-Phoria, and fewer settings. It is made of the same light purple hard plastic with a dark purple silicone tip. The tip of the Pulse is very much like that of the Tri-Phoria, in the respect that it also has a series of shallow rings around the very top that are meant to provide the added sensation of texture. That is, if you are a particularly sensitive person and can feel the very subtle texture. I cannot, so these rings added nothing to my personal experience.

Included with the Pulse is one AA battery that is inserted by twisting the plastic portion of the massager, which works as the battery cap, counterclockwise. The battery cap will dislodge and you can place the battery + side first into the massager. To reattach, line up the line on the battery cap with the thick line on the end of the massager, and turn clockwise until you feel it twist into place. Within the battery cap is a waterproof seal, so it is important to always keep it securely tightened so no water can seep in and end up ruining your toy.

On the very bottom of the massager’s plastic handle is a single power button. This serves as the only way to control the settings, of which there are 6 total–3 speeds of normal vibration and 3 pulse patterns. This worked fine for me considering it was at its highest speed of vibration nearly the entire time I used it, but I can imagine it becoming a nuisance for someone who wants to switch back and forth between two settings only to have to cycle through them all every single time.

I know that the Pulse Intimate Massager only takes one AA battery, which should have told me right off the bat that the intensity of the vibrations were not going to be stellar, but I was still really disappointed. I think I was especially frustrated with it because the Tri-Phoria also takes one AA battery, and I swear the vibrations were more intense than what could be felt with the Pulse. My best guess is that the intensity of vibrations all depends on the tip they are being transmitted to.

Overall, the Pulse was an unfortunate letdown. The weak vibrations and overall plainness of its sensations bored me in seemingly no time at all, leaving me frustrated and wondering what I should do next. The only way I can imagine someone being thrilled with this product is if it were that person’s very first vibrator, which could very well be the mindset of Trojan Vibrations when it comes to this product. It is, after all, the least expensive and simplest toy in their product line.

As with any other sex toy, thoroughly clean the Pulse Intimate Massager after every single use by running it under warm water and using all-natural soap or toy cleaner. Clean the silicone tip, being sure to get into all of the textured rings that are at the top of the massager, as well as the hard plastic handle, and dry completely before placing it into the discreet black satin pouch that is included.

The Pulse Intimate Massager is $29.99 and you can purchase it on the Trojan Vibrations website.

I received the Trojan Vibrations Pulse Intimate Massager for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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We have all heard of Trojan before, but instead of thinking strictly condoms, the brand’s product line has grown in recent years, allowing them to become a name associated with sexual satisfaction in addition to safe sex. Not long ago I heard about the release of the Trojan Vibrations Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager. It created a lot of buzz and I was understandably interested in checking it out, given the fact that the product was from a brand that has long had a stellar reputation. So I was pretty thrilled to receive the opportunity to work with Trojan Vibrations on not just a review of the Tri-Phoria, but also their two other intimate massagers, as well as the chance to give away a package of all three of these products to one lucky Woman Tribune reader. Pretty awesome, right?

I will be reviewing each of the three products I received from Trojan Vibrations throughout the weekend with the giveaway event beginning Monday. But for now, let’s talk about the Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager, which I’m starting with because it is definitely the product I have been most excited about.

The Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager looks like a pretty straightforward clitoral and exterior stimulator, but the variety of settings and three interchangeable tips makes it quite versatile. The massager itself is light purple and made of hard plastic. The very top of the massager is white, and this is where you can easily change between the three tips provided.

When you first receive this massager, it is sporting a soft silicone domed tip. If you’re like me, this is where you will begin with the Tri-Phoria, having no interest in changing out the tips until you try out and subsequently become exhausted of the dome. This does not take long. The dome is fine. It is not awesome, nor is it horrible, it’s just fine; passable; good for a short amount of time. Along the entire tip are rings that are supposed to give the feeling of subtle texture, which may work wonders for some, less-sensitive people, but I don’t feel subtle texture; apparently my vulva requires texture that is more drastic in order to make a difference in what I am feeling.

By simply unscrewing the current tip counterclockwise, it will easily come off the massager. Choose another tip and turn it clockwise onto the top of the massager; you will want to make sure the tip is secure tightened before use. The second tip I tried was the hard stimulator tip, which is made of plastic and has a large nub surrounded by a raised ring and four smaller nubs. This tip is very much like that of a Pocket Rocket; in fact, I think I have a Pocket Rocket with this exact tip. Overall, I found this tip to be hard and at times uncomfortable. Admittedly, I can be a little rough with sex toys and with myself, but I am a big fan of pressure on and around my clitoris, so pushing down onto myself with the Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager with the hard plastic tip wasn’t the sensation I was looking for. If you’re the type of person who lets your sex toy do the work while you simply hold the massager up to yourself, you are likely to find this tip to be a lot more comfortable than I did.

The last tip is a “flickering” tip made of soft silicone; the same material as the dome tip. According to the product description, the flickering tip is supposed to be “tongue-like” with gentle focused stimulation. I assure you, it feels nothing like a tongue. In fact, through my mildly extensive research throughout the past few years, I feel confident in saying that when a sex toy’s product description claims that it feels like a tongue and you buy it based on that description, you will be disappointed. The only way this tip will feel even mildly like a tongue is if you have just finished watching something like The Client List or very softcore porn that requires you to use a whole lot of imagination in order to conjure up a semi-realistic erotic storyline in your head, slather the tip with lubricant (water-based only as the tip is made of silicone), close your eyes real tight, and forcefully “flick” the tip against yourself using mild pressure (because the tip does not do this wide flicking action on its own), and it is still not going to feel very tongue-like.

Even though it does not feel like a tongue, this tip still ranks my favorite. It’s soft enough that I can apply pressure without it becoming uncomfortable and it can deliver vibrations over a wide area when pressed up against my body on its side, or precise stimulation right where I want it when just the tip is against me.

At the circular base is the Trojan logo above dark purple plus and minus signs that control the speeds and patterns of vibration. The Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager has 8 settings–5 speeds of vibration and 3 pulse patterns of varying speeds. Every time a vibrator has a myriad of different settings I always feel like they are being wasted on me; I just don’t appreciate the variety. In my perfect sex toy world, everything that vibrates would have a simple on and off button and when I turned the toy on, it would just be a straightforward vibration sans any type of pulsing, and the vibration would be strong and make my toes curl on impact. However, that is just not the case, but the controls of the Tri-Phoria are incredibly easy. To turn the massager on, just press the + button one time and it will begin vibrating at the lowest level. To increase the speed of vibration, continue pressing the + button. After you cycle through the five speeds of simple vibration, there are three pulse patterns that follow. You can go back and forth through the settings at any time. To cycle back down through the settings just press the – button and continue pressing that button to turn it off.

Something that is so, incredibly appreciated is the fact that one AA battery is included with the Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager. It is frustrating to open a toy, be ready to put it to good use, only to find that you don’t have the right batteries on-hand and have to wait to use it until you can get to the nearest store. I hate it when that happens, especially when I do get to the store and then completely forget that I need batteries.

To insert the battery, twist the bottom of the base of the massager counterclockwise until the battery cap unscrews from the massager. Insert the battery and replace the cap by lining up the line on the battery cap with the thick line on the case. This takes a little bit of playing around with the first few times you replace the battery. I first tried doing this while not at my most patient, which didn’t work out very well. It’s best to really make sure you line up the parts of the cap with the case and to take your time. Between the battery cap and the case is a waterproof seal, which you will need to make sure is in place before tightening the battery cap. This ensures that the product’s waterproof seal is maintained and when you take it into the bathtub, shower, hot tub, pool, or what have you, the Tri-Phoria is completely waterproof and not at risk of being ruined by water.

Cleaning the Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager is simple. It is not dishwasher safe, so it is important to clean it after every single use by rinsing the interchangeable tips and massager with warm water and wiping them down with an all-natural soap or toy cleaner. Also included with this product is a black satin pouch that you can use to discreetly store your Tri-Phoria; just be sure that it is cleaned and completely dry before storing it.

The Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager is $39.99 and you can purchase it on the Trojan Vibrations website.

I received the Trojan Vibrations Tri-Phoria Intimate Massager for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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Instead of meeting someone at school, at work, or seeking out mixers and speed dating events, we now have the ability to find the person of our dreams (fingers crossed) online. In fact, about 10% of the 54 million single people in the United States use a dating service to find a significant other, or at the very least, a date for Saturday night.

Check out the following infographic for fascinating statistics and information on what people are really looking for in a partner, about how long people who meet online spend in a courtship before getting married vs people who met traditionally and face-to-face first, and also some bits of information both serious and hilarious on relationships, love, sex, and the internet.


Dating in a Virtual World by Free Dating.co.uk

Click image to enlarge in new window

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Just a little over a month ago, stories, advice, tips, and ideas from how to sweep our lovers off their feet to the specifics of planning romantic gestures both grand and simple were coming at us left and right. Every blog, magazine, and talk show host had something to say about how to spend Valentine’s Day. Yet the very next morning, our workloads, routines, multi-tasking, cleaning the house in our sweats, and everything else that makes up our every day lives was back in effect and the topic of romance was no longer on everyone’s collective minds. Love isn’t in the air solely during the month of February. Romance is something every relationship needs frequent doses of all year long.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the stresses and tasks that we all have to get accomplished, and it’s easy to think that there isn’t enough time in the day or the finances in the budget to put together a truly romantic experience for you and your partner. However, there are ways to inject romance into your relationship every single day, because honestly, it’s the little things that make a relationship mutually fulfilling and long-lasting.

So, here are some things that my partner and I do and have done to keep romance alive and well, and our love strong in the six and a half years we have been together:

• We take care of each other. No one responsibility lies solely on the shoulders of just one of us; instead, we tackle daily life from the perspective of a mutual partnership. Finances, (most) housework, grocery shopping, and errands are a joint effort, with two exceptions: I do the laundry because I am incredibly particular about the way it is done, and my partner does the majority of the cooking because he is better at it.
• We say ‘thank you’ and express appreciation for each other.
• We laugh–a lot. Goofy faces, absurd voices (I have several), suddenly turning a walk into a little dance, and giving our cats personalities and voices that we make up on the spot are just a few of the things we do to get silly.
• We rough house like we’re kids. Now, this doesn’t happen often, particularly because if we spent that much time landing way too hard on our bed we would probably break it, but when we get into those silly moods and start tickling each other and wrestling, I think about it for days and it always brings a huge grin to my face.
• Never underestimate the power of a sweet note. The first time my partner put the toilet paper roll on the holder the right way (the right way being with the paper coming out over the roll and not under), he wrote on the paper (an accomplishment in itself) that he made sure to put it on the holder that way because he knew that is the way I like it. The man made toilet paper romantic!
• We hold hands; while watching television, while out shopping, or taking a walk together.

Above all, I think we really value and make the most of our time together. We both work full-time from home, which tends to give people the idea that we’re attached at the hip 24/7, which isn’t the case. We have separate work spaces. My partner, a professional musician and guitar instructor, works out of the basement apartment of our home that you have to go outside and down the steps of our back porch to get to, while I work predominantly at our kitchen table. We’re both admitted workaholics, so it’s fairly typical for us to spend most of our days apart. The time that we really dedicate solely to one another is dinnertime. As soon as the dinner process begins, technology is put away and we can talk and focus on each other while, most of the time, my partner cooks and I help with preparation and just enough so I can say that I contributed.

Of course, just like anyone else, sometimes we’re really lazy and want the perks of being able to hang out and share a meal without doing a whole lot of work or having to drive to the next city or two over to go out to a restaurant. For times like these, we have been known to reach for a frozen solution.

Recently, we were able to try Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizzas, a line of frozen pizzas that are so unlike the average frozen pizzas I’ve grown accustomed to.

We were sent two different flavors of Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizzas–Mozzarella and Spinaci. I really loved the Mozzarella flavor; it was cheesy, there was a generous portion of delicious, sweet tomatoes and herbs, and the crust was thin and crispy. What was really surprising, especially since we’re talking about frozen food here, was that the herbs and tomatoes tasted like they were really quality ingredients. They weren’t just good, but really really good. My partner and I were in awe, repeatedly commenting on how much better these pizzas are than what we were expecting. I immediately knew why Dr. Oetker’s Ristorante is Italy’s #1 frozen pizza brand.

The Spinaci flavor was, of course, topped with spinach. I haven’t eaten a lot of spinach in my life and when I have, it was usually mixed into a pasta sauce of some sort and I barely noticed it was there. On this pizza, the spinach takes center stage. It is the star of the pizza, and I found out that I am not a fan of spinach. I kept commenting on the “oils” I tasted, which my partner kept assuring me was the taste of spinach. After eating half of my piece, I was really wishing I had another Mozzarella pizza. My partner really liked the spinach, though, so at least it didn’t go to waste.

Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizzas are really easy to make, perfect for lunch or dinner when you really don’t feel like making an effort but still want a tasty meal. Just take the pizza out of the cardboard box, unwrap it, place it directly on the middle rack of your oven, and wait 10-12 minutes.

The only complaint I have about these pizzas is that they are very small. I would love to see a larger version come out that could feed more than two people. My partner and I split the pizzas we made and after we finished the first one, my partner was ready for more pizza, so I would say that one of these pizzas could feed two people, or just one very hungry man.

Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizza is available now in the following states for $4.99-$5.99: New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, North Carolina, Washington, D.C., Rhode Island, Baltimore, Maryland and New Hampshire.

Giveaway

One lucky Woman Tribune reader will have the chance to try out Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizza and receive a prize pack, which includes a coupon for 1 free Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizza, branded pizza cutter, branded freezer bag, and a Crate & Barrel Pizza Slice & Serve Board.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizza for review as part of a blog campaign with One2One Network. Additional incentives were provided to me, and opinions are my own.

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One of the best bras specifically for hot and humid weather is the shelf bra. This is a bra that sits very low on the chest so that your decolletage is left unobstructed. This makes it the ideal undergarment to accommodate even your lowest-cut clothing without the fear of it sticking out of the top of your neckline or having to worry if it is going to make a surprise appearance at some point during the day if your neckline plunges a little too low while you’re moving.

A valid concern with a bra that sits lower on your chest than most other bras, is that of support. Does less fabric mean less support, and the answer is that when it comes to shelf bras, absolutely not. This type of bra is uniquely made with wide-set straps that run along the edge of your torso and fall on the outer edges of your shoulders. This offers an ample amount of support at the bottom of your chest with wide enough straps to make you feel contained, comfortable, and confident.

The shape and support of shelf bras are enough to make any woman with any bra size feel sexy and supported, which is why I think that they are a definite summer lingerie must-have. In fact, you will find a use for this type of bra all year round–whether it’s under a lower-cut top peaking out of a business blazer, or under a bombshell date night dress. No lingerie drawer is complete without at least one shelf bra.

Photo by Lavinia Lingerie

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Play that is plucked directly from your most frequent, intimate fantasies can be one of the most fantastic and rewarding things you can do for your sex life; I really believe that. I am fairly certain that bringing scenes and scenarios I frequently think about when turned on or masturbating to the attention of my partner and making those things happen outside of the confines of my imagination has aided to our sex life never being dull, boring, or predictable. While some of the fantasies I have had didn’t hold up in real life very well, by exploring those facets of my sexuality, I learned more about myself because of them. However, some of the most intense orgasms I have had were because of that open-mindedness of myself and my partner to explore the reality of our fantasies, and one of the major outcomes of that has been a mutual appreciation for bondage and S&M.

While my partner and I have been indulging in frequent bondage sessions for a few years now, I still very much consider myself a novice. A certain level of discomfort is expected and awesome, but once that threshold has been crossed, I don’t crave for the situation to become more intense or painful. Because of that, I am more attracted to adult toys, accessories and restraints used in bondage play that are mostly targeted to beginners. These are the products that are made to not only perform a function–and perform it well–but there is also attention to comfort in the in these products, and I like that.

Recently, I have been playing with the Beginner Bondage Kit from MyPleasure. This kit includes a black mask, a small rubber whip, black and red wrist and ankle cuffs with black 3-ring nylon tethers, and a large black satin bag printed with the MyPleasure logo for safekeeping and storage.

Overall, this is a great starter kit, but it does have its faults. The most unimpressive of the items is the face mask. It is incredibly flimsy and the elastic band that secures it around your head feels as if someone spent hours stretching it out to the point where the mask repeatedly falls off my face. I guess that’s why they say the mask will fit most people and I suppose that I have a smaller-than-average head.

I used the rubber whip from this kit once before I changed it out for another rubber whip that I have had for years. It’s pretty much just a larger version of the whip I received in this kit, so I can’t say that I hate it, it’s just way too small. I prefer whips that are big enough to get your hand around so you can keep a firm grasp and deliver intense stinging sensations that teeter along that fine line between good pain and too much pain.

The red and black wrist and ankle cuffs are fantastic. Both sets are lined with a plush faux fur lining, which I love! I have had cuffs that weren’t lined with a plush material and I ended up having my skin break open against the roughness, which I wouldn’t recommend ever trying because it’s painful and terrible. Also, if you go out in public, people start giving you weird looks and asking what happened to you. Cuffs that are lined with a lovely, comfortable material is always a good idea. The cuffs use a Velcro closure which I have come to prefer over any other type of closure. Velcro gives you a range of adjustability, so even if you have very tiny wrists like I do, the cuffs will fit around them and your hands won’t slide out.

To attach the wrist cuffs together, or to attach the wrists to the ankles so you achieve a sort of hogtying effect, you can use the 3-ring nylon tethers. They have a heart-shaped D ring on them, which adds just a little bit of playfulness to the item, and each tether is 36 inches long and fully adjustable so you can make them as short as you need them to be.

I have a consistent bad track record with restraints, and these are no exception. However, I am done blaming the product. I am certain that I am the problem. You see, I break restraints. All of them, within the first few uses, regardless of what they are made out of. Now you would think that because the rings that clasp together are made of metal that I wouldn’t be able to break them, and I have been thinking that too, but I do. The only way I can explain what happens is by telling you that when I have an orgasm while restrained I suddenly, within seconds, morph into the Hulk. Nothing stands a chance.

On the right you see how the small metal ring keeps the closure attached to the heart-shaped D ring. On the left is what happened after I had an orgasm and it broke.

Again (I really feel like I have to stress this), I can’t blame the Beginner Bondage Kit for the fact that I broke it. It don’t think it’s a craftsmanship error or a product that isn’t made well because I have had quite a few other (some quite expensive) restraints that I have ended up breaking within the first three times that I’ve used them. Some really creepy amount of strength comes from me which I can’t help but be a little disappointed with, considering I break restraints, but also a little impressed, to be honest. Luckily, when it comes to restraints that use small metal rings, like those in this kit, it can be fixed with a pair of pliers, which is fortunate!

If you’re looking for an all-in-one solution to make your bondage fantasies come to life, I think the Beginner Bondage Kit is a good choice, especially considering it’s only $39.95. If you were to buy the sex accessories and a set of restraints and tethers individually, you would definitely end up paying more than the price of this kit, which makes it a pretty awesome buy.

I received the Beginner Bondage Kit from MyPleasure for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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So, it’s time to get a sitter, friends or a family member to take the kids for the night or weekend, and set up a date for just the two of you. Even if this is only done once a year, there’s a variety of activities you and your spouse can do that are relaxing, stress-free, and all for you.

Breakfast in Bed or Bed and Breakfast?

I realize it’s a cliché but breakfast in bed is a wonderful way to start the day out right–it’s also one of the easiest things to squeeze into a busy schedule. Wake up half an hour before your significant other and quietly cook their favorite breakfast food and trimmings. Wake them up with a kiss on the cheek and breakfast at their bedside.

If you have a weekend, travel outside town and spend a night at a bed and breakfast. Before you think you’ll be merely sleeping at a stranger’s house, note that many of these businesses are grand and unforgettable affairs. Gorgeous log chateaus, converted farmsteads, or even castles, many of these will feature private hot tubs, fireplaces, and private patios. Some will even have amenities such as a spa, kayaking, canoeing, or private beaches. For a B&B near you, search at BedandBreakfast.com.

Make a Lunch or Dinner Date

A lunch date can be a simple way to steal a few moments of time with your spouse. You can make this a special surprise if that intrigues you and you know that’s okay with your spouse’s company.

Or, go on a “date”–plan a romantic dinner out or even a special dinner in your kitchen, taking the time to enjoy the company of your spouse over candlelight and soft music. Share memories that you two had together that meant something. Don’t talk about the kids or work (trust me, this will be difficult), but try to share only romantic feelings and past memories that made you fall in love in the first place.

Adrenaline Pumping Fun

If you and your spouse have ever wanted to do something different that will pump up your adrenaline, here are some great ideas to help you bond and experience something new and thrilling:

Cliff Jumping: I know this sounds extreme but this would be a rush for you both if you live in an area that has 1. water and 2. cliffs. Search online for some local spots you can drive to.

White Water Rafting: White water rafting is an adrenaline rushing experience like no other. If you live near mountains on either coast, this adventure is well worth the trip.

Balloon Riding: This can be an exhilarating and romantic experience to share with you and your spouse. Most cities will have a hot air balloon service.

Skydiving: Something everybody should try once in their lives! If you’ve never tried it before, the best and safest option is tandem skydiving, where a certified instructor will be with you the entire trip.

Bungee Jumping: If you and your spouse want a real rush, try bungee jumping. Most locations are in California, but a few other states have a bungee jumping business. You can find a list of locations at FunFix.com.

Local Attractions

There is a load of community events happening locally that can be found on your news or newspaper websites. Especially taking a walk in parks or walking through a museum together can be a fun experience. Make sure to hold hands as this can create closeness and the touch can establish intimacy. No, seriously, hold hands!

Another idea is to visit local parks or go downtown and take pictures of fascinating buildings, historical landscapes, museums, or landscapes that intrigue you. Switch taking pictures of each other in different areas of town or ask someone to take a picture of the two of you together. Make it a tradition of taking a picture of yourselves at the same spot once a year.

Photo by Il Ragioniere con due T

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Adore Me is a new trendy lingerie club that offers a personalized shopping experience. The process is simple: Start by taking a quick style quiz where, through a series of multiple choice questions, your particular style preferences are determined. The Adore Me stylists use the results of your style quiz to hand-pick a selection of lingerie, including bra and panty sets, babydolls, slips, and hosiery, all of which compliment your unique style. Every month, your showroom will be updated with a selection of new lingerie to choose from.

I have been a member of Adore Me for a little over a month now–long enough to see two showrooms that had been put together for me based on the results of my style quiz. I was happy with my first showroom; it contained a few pieces of lingerie that I really liked, as well as a few other pieces I didn’t really care for, but I still saw style characteristics in these items that I typically like, and knew why they had been chosen to take up a space in my showroom. Upon seeing my second showroom, I am fairly certain that Adore Me is getting better with each passing month (they have only been up and running since November, after all!) My second showroom was amazing, with only two bra and panty sets out of ten that didn’t make my jaw drop.

What I like about Adore Me, as opposed to some other monthly subscription programs I’ve seen, is that they do not operate on a “grab bag” sort of premise. With some services, you pay a fixed price per month and receive one, a few, or even a whole box of goodies that have been selected for you. While it’s true that this is the closest one can get to Christmas coming once every month without any of the usual stress that accompanies the holidays, I have always been a little weary of any service that expects me to pay for something without telling me what that something is first. Why hand over money for something that you aren’t picking out yourself and maybe you won’t even like? Adore Me is different. While there is one fixed price for every piece of lingerie on their site–$39.95–you can choose to purchase your favorite pieces of lingerie from your showroom each month or not. If you don’t see something you like during a particular month, or if money is tight, you are never obligated to purchase a thing. Additionally, there is free shipping with every order from Adore Me, and free returns if your lingerie doesn’t fit you in all the right places or if the piece of lingerie you selected looked better in the picture on their website than it does on you. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

We will have a few lingerie reviews from Adore Me in the coming months, which I am really excited about. In the meantime, check out their website, sign up for a free Adore Me membership, and get started with your own personal lingerie showroom.

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Hardly is porn created with the intention of being totally hot and a valid educational tool for adults, but that is precisely what Good Vibrations aims to achieve through the Pleasure-Ed Series from their partner porn site Good Releasing.

While there were few educational moments of note during another adult film I reviewed a while ago, Courtney Trouble’s Seven Minutes in Heaven 2, such as the demonstration on how to make a dental dam out of a standard condom, porn created specifically as an educational guide was a new concept to me up until I was introduced to Gush: The Official Guide to the G-Spot & Female Ejaculation. Upon viewing, I found that this adult film isn’t merely a step-by-step instructional DVD as I was expecting, but rather five scenes showcasing the stimulation of the g-spot and female ejaculation split up by scenes of Good Vibrations’ Staff Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen speaking on the subject on a radio show with Michelle Meow and answering questions from callers.

Before viewing Gush I was already very aware of the existence of my g-spot and its location, and have been for several years. I had also already attained the knowledge (thanks, internet) and the experience to know how to stimulate my g-spot in a way that works best for me in order to elicit that much-desired female ejaculation. Frankly, I did not expect to learn very much from the scenes or from the radio segment with Dr. Carol Queen, and I didn’t. This title is certainly tailored for beginners in g-spot stimulation and ejaculation.

I will give Gush this, though: What Dr. Carol Queen had to say about female ejaculation, what it is, where it comes from, and that it’s totally normal, would have come in handy for me personally after the first time I ejaculated and had no idea what was going on. Afterwards, I stared at the wet spot on the floor of my bedroom in my father’s house wondering if I had just peed all over the floor. Because exaggerating in times of panic comes naturally to me, I quickly convinced myself that my entire room was going to smell like urine, and the smell was going to stay there forever.

The scenes in Gush were fairly diverse, featuring people of color as well as an array of body types, sexual orientations, and gender identities. Sadly, however, three of the five scenes were incredibly boring; so boring that I wound up skipping through scenes that quickly became merely replicas of scenes past with new people thrown in. I know that there are only so many ways you can go about stimulating the g-spot, but when you set out to create an entire film dedicated to this very act, and that film turns out to be 1 hour and 38 minutes long, I should not be wrong in assuming that some level of planning was done in order to make the scenes flow together. Turns out I was wrong in assuming this and that is unfortunate.

The least exciting of the “instructional” scenes (or, “actual porn”) were the first scene, performed by Syd Blakovich and Sophia St. James and the final scene, performed by Gloria and Altair Shadow. The worst of them, however, was the second scene, performed by Mirabelle Hayes and Maxwell Silver. This was a scene that felt as if it went on for far too long and I was done with it before Mirabelle Hayes came once. About a quarter of the way through this scene, I felt that Maxwell Silver’s presence was unnecessary. There were several times where it looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself and was just hanging out, waiting for Mirabelle to take the lead. To call this scene boring or just plain bad is an understatement; it was awkward and actually turned me off.

Now onto the good scenes! Dylan Ryan and Mickey Mod‘s scene was the only one with some semblance of a plot, which was a nice change of pace. Dylan Ryan walked into the house after a long, grueling day of work to find Mickey Mod making dinner and icing cupcakes. This is the longest scene in the film, yet it didn’t feel like it was dragging and I never got bored watching Dylan and Mickey engage in ample foreplay, Dylan using the Hitachi Magic Wand on the couch, and later they go to the bed where several gushing orgasms are had.

Jiz Lee‘s solo masturbation scene was by far my favorite of all the scenes. Maybe it’s because I enjoy other Jiz Lee work I have seen and also read their blog regularly, but this scene was absolutely fantastic. There was no second person in the scene, just Jiz Lee doing their thing, and doing it well. Several different toys were used, including the Randy dildo, the Pure Wand, as well as large, impressive as hell curved glass dildo.

I wasn’t impressed or even slightly satisfied by Gush and while this is a film targeted more towards beginners, which I am not, I think the fact that there are five separate porn scenes should have made up for the information I already knew. Porn is created for the purpose of eliciting a sexual response from the person or people watching it, but this sadly did not; not even the two scenes that I enjoyed. They were good scenes, but I think the bad scenes had already ruined me by the time I got to them.

The production quality was also sorely lacking. The radio question and answer segment with Dr. Carol Queen and Michelle Meow were significantly quieter than the instructional scenes, making me have to turn the volume up between each of the five scenes and then back down before the sounds of moaning filled my house. This was annoying and I have neighbors who probably didn’t want to hear unsolicited moaning sounds bellowing from my television. The sound quality problem made the entire film come off as unprofessional and irritating.

Considering that most of the scenes in Gush were worth skipping over and the disappointing production quality of the entire film, if you know nothing about g-spot stimulation and are interested in the educational portion of this film, I would recommend looking into other ways to obtain this information. Good Vibrations has created a guide to the g-spot that is worth looking into, especially considering it has a $9.50 price tag, as opposed to the $24.95 you would pay for Gush.

I received a copy of “Gush: The Official Guide to the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation” from Good Vibrations for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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I have been fluctuating in size throughout the past number of months and the last costume I reviewed was a size too small. I’m convinced that particular costume is sized small considering I adhered to the measurements listed in the size chart like the overly-cautious person that I am. However, I may have compensated with the sizing of this costume, or perhaps it just runs a size or two larger than it is supposed to because I could have easily fit two of me in it. I am not exaggerating, you will see this in-practice soon. Nonetheless, me practically swimming in this costume was not a very cute, and definitely not a sexy sight to behold.

This costume consists predominantly of a corset style dress decoratively tied along the length of the midsection by a hot pink silk ribbon. Along the back is a full-length zipper and the dress is held up by adjustable spaghetti straps that are concealed by the matching shrug. The spaghetti straps did very little to help force the chest area of the dress to take on some semblance of form. Instead of fitting anything like it should, it was merely a purple and pink faux fur-lined sea of stubborn fabric. Also included in this costume are matching arm warmers, thigh high stockings, a black choker with velcro closure, and because this is a cat costume after all, a pink faux fur ear headband and removable cat tail attached to the back of the dress.

In the picture you’ll notice that there is a layer of pink ruffles under the bottom of the dress making it look extra flowy. This is not attached to the dress; instead, the striped dress stops at the faux fur-lined edges and lays nearly flat. Even if this dress did fit me perfectly, I would have still been wholly disappointed with it due to the sloppiness and total lack of care in construction along where the pink faux fur has been attached throughout. Along the top and bottom of the dress, the sleeves of the shrug, the bottom of the arm warmers, and throughout the cat ear headband there were strings and clumped pieces of what I can only (rather positively) say was dried hot glue. This is incredibly disappointing because it’s just so unnecessary. Construct something and make sure it is clean and doesn’t have anything that isn’t supposed to be there hanging off of it. Sounds easy enough to me, but hey, that’s me.

Of course you’re going to want to wash this costume before you wear it, not only because of the dried pieces of hot glue–or whatever substance that was–hanging off of it randomly, but because it’s just the hygienic thing to do. To do this, you are going to want to hand wash it in cold water or have it dry cleaned if you are brave enough to withstand the stares you will probably most definitely receive from the people who work at the place where you bring your articles of clothing that need to be dry cleaned.

What I will give this costume is that it is comfortable. Damn comfortable, in fact. It is made out of a jersey material, so it’s able to stretch and move with your body. I love jersey material, so much that I have sheets for my bed that are made of that material and they are some of the best sheets I have ever had the privilege of sleeping on.

I eluded earlier in this post that this dress arrived so big that I practically swam in it when I put it on. To drive this point home, I present you with what went down on Halloween night. After about a day and a half of begging and pleading with my partner, I succeeded in making this happen:

He was having a lot more fun than it looks like in this picture, I promise.

Even though I didn’t get to wear the Sexy Wonderland Cat costume for Halloween, which I was planning on because it’s the first adult costume I have reviewed that is an appropriate length to be seen by someone other than the man who frequently sees me naked, I have to say that this costume was a huge success. It fit my partner and he wore it just long enough for me to snap a few pictures.

You’re welcome.

In a very feeble attempt to make up for his embarrassment over being a “sexy cat” for Halloween, he somehow managed to convince himself that if I dressed up in his clothes that we would be even.

I just think I look cute.

I received the Sexy Wonderland Cat adult costume from HalloweenCostumes.org for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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I am in full support of sexy adult Halloween costumes; they are fun and even more importantly, can be versatile. Versatility is definitely an asset I look for in adult costumes considering the price tag attached to most of them. If you’re looking for a costume specifically for an adult Halloween party, think of the ways in which you can have fun with that costume during the rest of the year. Almost any costume can be re-purposed for a plethora of different occasions, depending on just how quirky you want to be; a prime example are beer girl costumes.

I had the opportunity to strut around my apartment in the Bavarian Maiden Gretchen Costume, which is really cute. I love the colors featured in the peasant top dress and the detailed accents throughout.

The dress has a white, off-the-shoulder top and has an unobtrusive floral bow attached to each of the sleeves. The attached brown corset ties around your neck in a halter and is lined with a pink and green floral fabric, also seen along the bottom of the dress. On the front of the corset is an adjustable satin pink ribbon and attached at the top of the green skirt is a small white apron with two strips of the same pink floral ribbon seen in the corset, which brings the piece together nicely. Also included with the costume are matching white thigh-highs featuring the same floral bows from the sleeves.

This costume features significantly more detail than I’ve seen incorporated into a lot of other costumes of the same quality, which of course is a huge plus. This could have been a near perfect costume, but unfortunately for me, I ended up ordering the wrong size. According to the accompanying size chart, I should most definitely fit into a size large. Naturally that is the size I requested, but within the first five seconds of attempting to get it on, it became clear that it was going to take some work to get it to fit. Eventually and after some adjusting, breath-holding, zipping, and more adjusting, I did get the dress to fit but it was very uncomfortable. I think it’s pretty safe to say that this costume is sized small and you may want to order one size bigger than you would order normally.

Now for the versatility of this costume. Of course it is great for Halloween, specifically if you are attending an adult Halloween party. The dress is super short but can be made appropriate by pairing it with leggings. A beer girl costume would pretty much guarantee you to fit in at Oktoberfest events, an annual beer festival with spin-off events of the original German festival held all over the world. If you’re a woman who prefers to keep her costume wearing private, you can always get creative and host your own Oktoberfest event for two at home, or wear it during a summer night when there’s very little else as refreshing as a cold beer and your partner.

I received the Bavarian Maiden Beer Girl Gretchen adult costume from Sexy Costume Discounters for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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Starting today and throughout the month of October, Breeze Comfort will donate 10% of their proceeds to My Hope Chest, an organization that funds breast reconstruction for breast cancer survivors. The organization was founded in 2003 by Alisa Savoretti who is a Las Vegas showgirl and breast cancer survivor herself. Not having insurance at the time of her diagnosis, Savoretti underwent a mastectomy and returned to Las Vegas just five months after chemotherapy, taking the stage as the “Lop-Sided Showgirl.”

Through her own life experience, Alisa Savoretti founded My Hope Chest after realizing the significant gap in treatment and quality of treatment that exists for uninsured women who undergo mastectomies. My Hope Chest is the only national breast reconstruction organization that is working to help uninsured women receive the breast reconstruction surgery that, in many cases, their self-esteem and confidence relies on.

In addition to donating 10% of their proceeds throughout the month to My Hope Chest, Breeze Comfort has also taken 30% off all of their pink bras. Use coupon code 30OFF at checkout to receive the discount.

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Summer is over now, but one romper that I wear to bed frequently regardless of how cold it gets outside is the Dot Girl Comfy Romper from Glamorose.

This romper is totally sexy while also being cute, which is pretty hard to pull off, especially when it comes to websites that specialize in selling sexy lingerie. It is made of 90% polyester and 10% spandex and, as its name suggests, it is really comfortable. It’s exceptionally soft and moves with my body as I move without any unfortunate occurrences of riding up or twisting around my body in my sleep making me wake up and think that my pajamas are trying to strangle me.

Along the bust, the romper is accented with blue lace. It also features a blue bow in the center of the bust and a keyhole cutout for ample cleavage action. I received the Dot Girl Comfy Romper in a size large, which according to Glamorose’s size chart, will fit a woman who ranges from a size 10 to a size 14. It can accommodate a cup size C-DD and up to 170lbs. My findings are just a bit different. I am 180lbs and typically wear a size 14 with the exception of some jeans that apparently run small, in which I am forced to buy a size 16. Yes, I did just disclose my weight and size on the internet. Anyway, this romper fits me perfectly even while exceeding the weight “limit” that the website advertises a size large will fit which leads me to believe that when it comes to their size chart, there is a little wiggle room in terms of what size will fit best.

I thought that if I was going to have any problem with the fit of this romper that it would easily reside within the bust area, but surprisingly it fits well. The straps are adjustable and I don’t need to have the clasp fitted down to nothing in order to make the material stretch around my breasts and the straps are durable enough to provide a little bit of lift. The entire area covers me up enough so that this piece doesn’t feel like it is purely lingerie that should be taken off at a moment’s notice, but something that is actually meant to be worn.

I have washed this romper several times and it has held up in the washing machine and dryer very well. There has been no fading of the material, no thinning and the lace has not even so much as hinted towards fraying.

I really love this romper and Glamorose has some pretty amazing prices; this is just $14.99, down from the advertised “list price” that is $41.75. All of Glamorose’s stock seems to be similarly marked down, so if you’re looking for something cute and comfortable like this romper, or something a whole lot sexier, you’re likely to find what you’re looking for at a great price.

Disclosure: I received the Dot Girl Comfy Romper from Glamorose to write this review. All opinions are 100% mine.

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Well, Jenna McCarthy’s soon-to-be-released book, If it Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married, seems to be THAT. BOOK. I haven’t read it yet (although I will be soon and I’ll be posting a review, so be sure to check back for that!) but the book trailer alone was so, incredibly relateable. Here, take a look:

That whole part where her husband is standing in front of the refrigerator while asking her if they have lettuce and milk and such? Happens to me all. the. time. In fact, I think my partner thinks that I rearrange the contents of the refrigerator at night just so he won’t be able to find anything.

Also, don’t forget to google Zestra after you watch it… or better yet, check out the link on Jenna’s homepage, http://www.jennamccarthy.com/.

I am super excited to read Jenna McCarthy’s book, but in the meantime, here is a guest post she wrote about the seven things you can do to ensure you’re living in marital ecstasy.

7 Steps to a Happy Marriage

by Jenna McCarthy

I have a remarkably happy marriage, and people ask me all the time how I got so lucky. (Not as often as they ask me about autism, vaccines and Jim Carrey, so let’s get something straight before we go any further: Not. Her.) I used to wonder if it had something to do with pheromones or having relatively low expectations, but after eleven years of wedded bliss I am pretty sure the key is some combination of kindness, respect and my ability to read a road map upside down divided by my husband’s skill at tuning out my nagging.

Okay, fine. We got lucky.

Busloads of studies have attempted to figure out why roughly every other marriage fails miserably. Turns out, the success stories share a few similarities beyond the obvious stuff like “they don’t have sex with other people”. Here, then, are seven scientifically proven* steps to marital ecstasy.

1. Be thinner and better looking than your husband. I have no idea why this works to create nuptial delight but I’m guessing it’s because if you’re fat and ugly you probably never want to have sex, which makes him grumpy and mean because sex was the one and only reason he got married in the first place. (Well, that and pie. Think about it: Most guys will never bake a pie in their lifetimes and from what I’ve seen, they really like pie.) Of course, I don’t know many women who are dying to have sex with fat, ugly men, so this one remains a bit of a mystery.

2. Make sure he does more chores than you do (well, duh) and try to talk less than he does. I have to admit, if you asked my husband the top three things I could do to make him happier, “shut the hell up for five lousy minutes” would probably be on the list. (But not at the tippy-top. Ahem.)

3. Don’t watch a lot of chick flicks. Seems that after sitting through Gnomio and Juliet (or any other rom-com) relationship dissatisfaction tends to skyrocket. Apparently this is because maybe it could happen to you but you realize that it hasn’t and it probably won’t and that fat bastard never sprinkled rose petals on your bed, dammit. At least you’re thinner and better looking than he is.

4. Don’t win a best-actress Oscar. I included this one because unlike getting hotter or having your jaw wired shut, it’s actually pretty painless and doable. Personally, I am going to make this a priority in my marriage.

5. Limit your booze consumption (both of you). No comment.

6. Become or urge your partner to become a farmer, nuclear engineer or optometrist. Evidently every career choice has its own unique divorce-risk profile, with these three being on the lowest end. Dancers and choreographers are pretty much screwed. You can’t make this stuff up.

7. Prefer having the car windows down. I haven’t technically seen a study on this, but do you not fight about this every single time you ride in a vehicle together? And doesn’t he get all pissed when you want them up and accuse you of being more concerned about your hair than his precious need for non-recirculated air? If anyone bothered to study this, I’m confident the results would back me up.

So there you have it. I do not suggest trying to master all seven steps at once. For instance, if you stop doing housework altogether (to try to tilt his portion of the ratio toward more), you’ll have a lot of extra time on your hands which you may want to spend drinking alcohol. Remember, there’s no rush here. Till death do us part is a really long time**.

*I may have bastardized the language a bit in some cases but the facts are mostly accurate.

**I stole that line from If It Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married, which I wrote (and please note that it says the blah-blah-blah man you married, not the one I married. My husband likes it when I point that out). You can find out more about me, my books and how I survived tanorexia on my website.

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One of the first positive lubricant experiences I ever had was when trying out Sliquid Organics Silk. Regardless of what I used it with, whether it was actual sex, hand-on-vulva masturbation, or with any sex toy I pulled out of my stash, it lasted a good, long time without ever becoming the sticky, irritating mess that came with a lot of other lubes I had tried before. I expected about the same level of performance from the other Sliquid lubricants, and then I received Sliquid Oceanics.

Sliquid Oceanics sounds like a dream lubricant when you read its list of positive attributes. It is a body-safe, vegan-formulated, water-based lube that is glycerin and paraben-free, making it a completely safe substance to use when you need it, without having to worry that your body may revolt against you, surprising you with an infection or rash when you wake up the next day. I have been known to develop some pretty angry urinary tract infections after any change in something as small and seemingly insignificant as soap, so when it comes to lube, body-safe formulas are key, especially if they are vegan and therefore all-natural. Sliquid Oceanics also contains certified botanical extracts that aid in the supporting and healing of the body, including aloe, green tea, sunflower seed, hibiscus, flax, and alfalfa. Perhaps most impressive is the addition of carrageenan, an ingredient that after sufficient lab testing, has been seen to help prevent the spread of HPV, the Human papillomavirus.

HPV is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections; so common that about half of all men and more than 3 out of 4 women have HPV at some point in their lives. Although most HPV infections have no harmful effect at all and go away within 8 to 13 months, some types have the ability to lead to cervical cancer and other genital and throat cancers. A lube containing an ingredient that has been seen to help prevent the spread of this infection? Yes, please.

For how downright impressive Sliquid Oceanics is on-paper, so to speak, I was less than thrilled with its actual performance.

The first time I used Sliquid Oceanics, it was with the Beyond 1 g-spot vibrator, then again (and again and again) with the Lelo Ina dual-stimulator vibrator. Each time, the Sliquid Oceanics lube got sticky and just about dried up completely within 15 minutes, if that. Both the Beyond 1 and Ina are made of silicone, which if you have even more than a handful of toys, you know is one of the best materials to have your toys made of. But I moved onto other materials and had my partner use Sliquid Oceanics with his Fleshlight. He had very much the same experience. Now I don’t know how long it takes the “average” person to climax, but when I use toys, it takes a considerable amount of time longer than when I’m having sex with someone. I used this lubricant with my partner and after about the same amount of time, it began to feel sticky just like it had before. The sensations weren’t as uncomfortable as they were when it had begun to get sticky when I was using my toys, but the stickiness factor was indeed there.

The experiences that I had with Sliquid Oceanics were really surprising, especially considering how much I really liked the first and only other Sliquid product I had tried before this one. Now, Sliquid Oceanics has been put to use only when I use toys that function solely as clitoral stimulators when I want a nice, slippery surface. For this purpose, it has worked quite well, but it is definitely a shame that it hasn’t worked as well for all of the other ways I could put it to use.

Thanks to Babeland for the opportunity to review Sliquid Oceanics lubricant. Check them out to see all the other lubricants they stock!

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Jimmyjane’s Form series has piqued the interest of most who have seen the first two vibrators released, mostly due to the fact that it is quite simple to look at a Jimmyjane Form vibrator and wonder what you are supposed to do with it. That is exactly what I did when I first received the Form 3 that I reviewed here back in December. I was recently given the opportunity to review the newest and final release in the Form series, which I was pretty thrilled about, the Form 4.

The first thing I noticed about the Form 4 is that while it visually fits into the Form series and looks pretty great when it is lined up against the other two vibrators, it is nothing like the previous releases. It is straightforward. It is simple. I knew exactly what to do with it when I first took it out of the box. This was such an incredibly different experience for me after reviewing the Form 3, which took a few days of giving myself the time and the patience to really play around with it, see what it was capable of doing and changing up how I was using it–every time I used it–to see what worked best for me. With the Form 4, I was able to take it out of the box, turn it on, and in about 15 minutes, I had achieved my first Form 4 orgasm.

The Form 4 is a firm vibrator made of medical-grade, platinum silicone. It is said that it is flexible, but really, it’s not. It isn’t so firm that it’s going to hurt you, of course, but it isn’t so very soft that it feels like nothing against you, or inside of you.

It measures at 5 inches in length, 4 inches of that being insertable. I am kind of torn when it comes to the Form 4 as an insertable vibrator. First of all, it is a great clitoral stimulator and four times out of five, that is what I use it for exclusively. I may dip it down against my vagina a few times, perhaps some very shallow inserting, but nothing more than that. When I used it as a plain insertable vibrator, it didn’t necessarily do too much for me and it most definitely did not stimulate nor press up against my g-spot, as Jimmyjane touts that it does. It did not. This is because I have an extremely high g-spot and also, I need a drastic curve in order to stimulate it to the point where it feels great for me. Anything short of that does not impressive my g-spot in the least.

There are quite a few similarities between the Form 4 and the other vibrators within the Form line. It is made of the same body-safe material with a small circle at the very bottom of the vibrator made of stainless steel that houses the high performance lithium ion battery, which is responsible for making the Form 4 run for up to seven hours per charge. Its controls are also the same and very, very easy to use.

You push the + button located on the bottom of the front-side of the vibrator to turn it on. It immediately starts vibrating at its lowest level of intensity and in the steady vibration mode. To increase the intensity, in which there are five levels, you press and hold the + button again and to decrease the intensity, you press the – button located directly underneath the main power button.

The Form 4 has four different vibration modes that include the very straightforward and steady vibration and also three modes of varying pulsations and escalation. To circle through the vibration modes, there is a small circular button below the plus and minus symbols that is just far enough away from the other two buttons that you feel the raised button so you won’t mistakenly turn the vibrator down when you mean to change the vibration mode. This, of course, does depend on the size of your fingers. If you have bigger fingers, you may mistakenly turn the vibrator down or off. I have teeny, tiny fingers so while I may not have a problem with it, some people might.

It seems as if all of the Form vibrators have their little motor intricacies and the Form 4 is no different. In this case, I apply a substantial amount of pressure against my clit with whatever vibrator I am using. I did this with the Form 4 and as soon as I applied this pressure, the motor got louder.

All of the Form vibrators come with the same white Jimmyjane base that also recharges the vibrator. With the Form 3, I had a very hard time keeping the vibrator on the base and jiggling it around to get the charge to catch on the vibrator. With the Form 4, it was so easy. I just put the vibrator on the base and it started charging immediately.

As I do with most everything because I am that person, I tweeted about working on my review of the Form 4 when a friend of mine responded asking me about the seam along the entire body of the vibrator. Yes, there is a seam. I’m glad we had a chance to talk a little bit about it on Twitter because honestly, it didn’t really register on my list of cons at first. You see, I am not susceptible to feeling subtle texture or in this case, seams. I did not feel it, it did not hinder my experience with using the vibrator, but she did make a very good point: The Form 4 has a price tag of $145. For $145, there should not be a seam along the entire vibrator. More care and consideration could and should have went into this aspect of the design.

Overall, the Form 4 pleased me on several levels. I love that I did not have to spend days dedicated to figuring out how it should work, and then how it does work for me. I enjoy using it as a clitoral stimulator and it is effective. It satisfies me when I want just a little bit of shallow vaginal penetration, since I do require a little more than 4 inches in my insertables, but it also gives an adequate and enjoyable labia massage, which is always welcomed when I want foreplay with my masturbation sessions.

The Form 4 is extremely easy to clean. After use, and in my case, before every use just because I’m like that, you just wipe the vibrator off with warm water, all natural soap or toy cleaner, dry it off with a soft towel and you’re good to go!

Thanks to Jimmyjane for the opportunity to review the Form 4!

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When it comes to adult toys like floggers, slappers, whips and the like, I have very little experience. In fact, I have one whip that I reviewed back in March of 2009 and that’s about it. Obviously that whip had served me well enough to last without me seeking replacement or anything else for over two years, and a lot of the times when I’m in the mood for a good spanking, my partner uses his hand which is always at the ready without having to go and search through a 32 gallon Rubbermaid container where I keep all of my toys, accessories and such. Yeah, that can get a bit irritating. However, recently I have been testing my boundaries as far as pain-as-pleasure goes and, well, it was about time to see what else was out there. So MyPleasure was kind enough to send me their Heart Double Slapper to review for this very purpose.

The Heart Double Slapper is made of layered leather, making it thick enough to keep a good grasp on while you wield it, without it being too thick for a smaller hand, like my own, to fit around the handle comfortable, and firm enough to deliver one hell of a smack.

When I first received the Heart Double Slapper and took my first good look at it, I thought the top of the slapper was broken because the leather is layered and at top of the slapper–where the studs lining the handle and base stop–all the way to the very top, the leather is separated. Of course this makes perfect sense as it is called the “double slapper”, but what this name and the design of the slapper leads one to believe is that when you deliver a smack, the slapper is supposed to come down in two, very rapid strokes. This doesn’t exactly happen in-practice. When used against my palm very, very slowly, I see how the leather slaps against itself in what is supposed to be the two rapid strokes against the skin, but anything faster than that merely feels like one stroke with nothing else going on. This, however, does not take very much away from the Heart Double Slapper.

The one and only whip I have in my possession is made of rubber. It delivers extremely light sensations, it doesn’t leave bruises and it doesn’t make you look back on the previous night when you wake up in the morning with a sore ass. The Heart Double Slapper, however, delivers very firm smacks that, from the very moment it grazes your skin, it sends immediate goosebumps throughout your entire body. It wakes you up, which is precisely what any kind of kink in the bedroom is supposed to do. It’s an amazing thing.

I have found that I really have to be in the mood for the Heart Double Slapper because the amount of force behind it when it smacks against your skin is sometimes just a little too much. It is very wise that when you first start using the Heart Double Slapper to start very lightly and to adjust from there to make sure everyone involved is having the best time possible!

The Heart Double Slapper is available from MyPleasure as part of the two-piece Heart Paddle and Mask Collection. Even better, this collection is 70% off, so be sure to snag yours quick!

Thanks to MyPleasure for the opportunity to review the Heart Double Slapper. Check them out to see all the other couples toys they stock!

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I am a bit of an Alice in Wonderland enthusiast. I had latched onto the story as a little kid and my admiration for it grew as I did. Throughout my years I have accumulated several copies of different editions of both Lewis Carroll books, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, as well as a few small art prints, the different versions of the movie (I hated the Tim Burton remake of my beloved story, by the way), and when I was 17 I had sketches from the book “Through the Looking Glass” that I had planned to turn into a full-sleeve tattoo. That did not happen as I became of age to go and get a tattoo and even years later, I have more important things to put my money towards, even if it I still believe it would turn out to be one of the coolest tattoos ever. But I digress.

So when I saw Malice in LaLaLand, an adult film from Miss Lucifer Productions that uses Lewis Carroll’s creations as a muse and jumping off point for a series of sexy adventures starring Sasha Grey, while browsing the stock of adult DVDs on Fascinations, I was pretty intrigued and excited to see what kind of scenarios they would come up with.

The simply mad way of Wonderland is abundantly apparent in Malice in LaLaLand but it isn’t the supporting cast of characters in the film that are mad. Malice, played by Sasha Grey, is the mad one, first seen tied to a chair in a straight jacket and then laying in a white bed inside of an incredibly dingy mental hospital. Malice manages to escape the asylum with the help of a very small man dressed like a demonic rabbit, played by Stephen Powers, and its doctor Queenie, played by Andy San Dimas, and the really creepy, voyeuristic Jabbowski, played by Dirty Fred, whose name is nothing but appropriate.

After escaping the asylum, Malice makes a pit stop at Rabbit’s house where she gets changed into very short, cheeky jean shorts and a halter top. They do not stay on long, however, as she climbs out of the rabbit hole and is somehow naked again. For some reason, she does not realize she is naked until she is walking through the desert to a gas station. But she does find another change of clothes there, which include leather pants that look to be about three sizes too small and don’t go over the top-half of her ass, a leather belt, jacket and heels. Appropriate clothing for walking through the desert indeed. Luckily, she doesn’t have to do much more walking as she meets up with the Cheshire Cat character, played by Keni Styles. He takes her to a hotel room where he wants to take pictures of her. They end up fucking while Sasha Grey is, of course, wearing an adult fantasy Alice in Wonderland dress much like the one I reviewed back in December.

Together, Sasha Grey and Keni Styles embark on a few trips. One to Ron Jeremy‘s strip club where he is sucking on a hookah and passing out mushrooms and other drugs, and they also stop at the Mad Hatter’s sex mansion where every room is a different fetish. Keni Styles winds up in a furry threesome with two women wearing rabbit heads, although they do take the rabbit heads off for most of this encounter. Malice finds herself in a room with two other women where they do just about anything and everything three women can do together without it getting boring or stale. That is an accomplishment.

Jabbowski does catch up with Malice in the end, after following just a few moments behind Malice’s every move. Man is resourceful! While Malice is shooting an MMF threesome for people who let her jump into their car to get away from Jabbowski, he finally catches up with her, shoots Rabbit and somehow Queenie walks into the diner from out of nowhere. There is then a sort of standoff between Jabbowski and Malice, and Queenie stops him from shooting Malice so she can plunge a giant needle into her to, I suppose, sedate her and take her back to the asylum. End scene.

There are very few moments in “Malice in LaLaLand” that succeeded in turning me on, which is disappointing since that’s why I (and most people) watch porn to begin with. The storyline was mildly interesting–mildly–and I feel like they really could have done a lot more, but shied away from going too kinky, as evidenced by the fact that Malice had a very straightforward threesome with two other women. I will give it credit for being one of the hotter scenes in this film but she could have jumped headfirst into the medical bondage room. Just saying.

After the last scene came to an end, I felt completely underwhelmed by Malice in LaLaLand, which was extremely disappointing. I wanted it to be so much more than it was. When it comes to Lewis Carroll being used as a muse for just about anything, there is so much to work with right at your fingertips. Taking Carroll’s story and making it your own in an adult film could lead to absolutely amazing and seriously hot scenes, but all Miss Lucifer Productions did was take a small kernel of what made each character interesting, took their clothes off, and watered them down to forgettable and uninteresting versions of themselves.

Thanks to Fascinations for giving me the opportunity to review Malice in La La Land. Check them out to see all the other adult DVDs they stock!

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With temperatures heating up outside, moms everywhere will be trading in their warm, winter weather clothes, coats and boots for apparel that breathe and sandals that keep her looking chic and put together while she keeps up that sometimes erratic ‘go, go, go’ pace day in and day out. While breathable clothes are important, especially in the summer months, your intimates are just as important when you want to make sure you’re going to stay cool and comfortable throughout the day, regardless of how much running around you have to do.

Jockey staycool is a new line of underwear, t-shirts and tank tops from Jockey for men and women that features Outlast temperature regulating technology–technology that was initially developed for astronauts–that keeps your skin feeling up to 3 degrees cooler.

I recently had the oppportunity to try out the reversible t-shirt and bikini underwear from the Jockey staycool women’s line. I received both pieces in black and their design is very simple, straight-forward and made with extreme comfort and long-lasting wear in mind.

The bikini underwear are made of a soft and breathable cotton and spandex that have just the right amount of stretch to them to accommodate your body and its many movements throughout the day. The Jockey logo is printed along the waistband and the entire garment lays flat against your skin so you don’t see any bunching up or weird seams or pleats under your clothes.

The t-shirt is fitted, which surprised me a little bit because it fit much more like a medium than in the large I ordered it in. If you’re not very thin or you like a little more room in your shirts, I would suggest ordering a size larger than you usually wear just to be safe and to be sure you’ll get all the use you can out of it. This t-shirt is made of the same breathable fabric with the same amount of stretch as the matching underwear and it is also reversible, so it can be worn as either a crew neck or a v-neck. This t-shirt looks great layered with a lightweight cardigan or sweater, as well as on its own. Due to the staycool technology, it is also perfect for working out in while keeping you 3 degrees cooler which is always a great perk when you’re in the middle of a strenuous workout.

Mother’s Day is most frequently seen as a day of pampering, and it’s a day to make sure mom knows how special and important she is, but gift ideas don’t have to stop at flowers, small jewelry or delectable treats. Practical gifts that mom is sure to love and get use out of all year round are also great ideas, so if you want to help your mom stay cool under pressure, check out the Jockey staycool line. The bikini and brief underwear are available in packs of 3 for $24 and the reversible t-shirt and tank are priced at $21. Practical, useful and affordable!

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I cannot think of beginning this review without firstly getting this out of the way: HOW CUTE IS THIS LITTLE GUY!? Yes, this is pretty much the cutest vibrator of any kind that I have ever had the sheer delight to see with my own eyes. That in itself is purely the reason why I was interested in adding him to my partner’s up-and-coming sex toy collection. I doubt his collection will ever rival mine, but hey, maybe if more people see really off the wall sex toy concepts for men, such as this one, we will begin to see an increase in the variety of men’s sex toys available. Let’s hope so, because after having this little dude for a few weeks now, I still cannot stop myself from excitedly shrieking and going on and on about how extremely cute it is every time I see it.

So I guess I should tell you a little bit about him, huh? He is the Man Eaters From Outer Space Waterproof Vibrator that Good Vibrations was awesome enough to send to me to review–and to squeal about how cute it is.

This is a very straightforward vibrator; made of hard plastic with a groove in the mouth that is meant to fit halfway around the penis. More than anything, this scenario reminds me of giving a man a handjob and not being able to fit your hand all the way around his penis. That is exactly how this thing works, while also delivering vibrations at three different speeds.

This vibrator takes two AA batteries, so the intensity of the vibrations are definitely sufficient, especially on the highest setting, for those who really love very intense vibrations. The Man Eaters From Outer Space Vibrator comes with batteries already inside, so when you go to replace them, all you have to do is remove the battery compartment door on the very bottom of the vibrator, place the replacement batteries inside and then close it back up. The included manual suggests you use a coin to tighten the compartment door to keep this area completely sealed off, which makes the vibrator waterproof, so you are able to bring it into the shower or tub without any worries. To turn the vibrations on, as well as to change the vibration setting and turn it off, all you have to do is press the center of the alien guy’s stomach and it will cycle through the vibrations and then turn off.

The consensus of the Man Eaters From Outer Space Waterproof Vibrator is that it does not really do much if you use it simply as a half-sleeve-like masturbation toy. While the highest vibration setting felt good, it didn’t have nearly enough going on to maintain arousal. Instead, this vibrator was a huge hit when used as a vibrator to stimulate my partner’s testicles and perineum, so in that respect, it was a hit.

Because this vibrator is made solely of plastic, it is amongst the easiest toys in existence to clean. All you have to do is wash it down with a little soap and hot water, dry it off and you’re good to go.

If you do decide that the Man Eaters From Outer Space Waterproof Vibrator is for you, please take the time to read the manual that comes with it. Seriously, it is one of the most hilarious manuals I have seen and includes epic phrases such as, “3 speeds of vibrating man pleasure!” and “form fitting mouth of joy.” The included information is something that I would hate for anyone to miss out on.

I received the Man Eaters From Outer Space Waterproof Vibrator from Good Vibrations for review. No other compensation was received, and opinions are my own.

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MyPleasure is celebrating the tax relief and have a very welcomed sale going on this weekend only. Reduce all of your pent-up tax stress with your choice of any of their massagers and wand vibrators. You’ll get 15% off your order by using coupon code RELIEF15, good until April 18.

I am such a huge fan of massagers and wand vibrators and have reviewed quite a few of them here on Woman Tribune. If you need some quick recommendations, take a look through our massager reviews and feel free to tell us which you decided on!

Shop MyPleasure massagers and wand vibrators →

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From the Hitachi Magic Wand to the Mini Mistress Massager and the Wahl, if one thing is abundantly apparent, it is the fact that I really, really love my massager adult toys. I love all of that amazing clitoral stimulation that is delivered by variable speeds and intensities of vibration that make my toes curl in mere minutes.

About a month ago, my partner and I drove seven hours to Ohio on a business trip that involved my partner being put in a recording studio for upwards of eleven hours and leaving me in a hotel room to relax, unwind, and do nothing. I was very much looking forward to it. So after we got on the road it occurred to me that I packed no sex toys. Me, in a hotel room on my own for an entire day, with no sex toys. It was tragic, but then I realized that even if I had remembered to pack a few of my favorite toys, I wouldn’t have anywhere to put them since we were pretty much packed to the fullest extent we could be.

I wish I had the Fairy Pocket Mini USB massager then, but am extremely happy to have it in my possession now.

You see, the Fairy Pocket Mini USB is tiny. Super tiny. So tiny that it can fit inside the zip pocket of my purse along with my tampons kind of tiny. To put it into actual measurements for you, it is 5 3/4 inches in total length and just 1 inch in diameter. It also weighs practically nothing at just 2.4 ounces, making it even easier to use and handle through even lengthy sessions without your arm cramping up or going numb from having to hold it in place; Hitachi Magic Wand, anyone?

The head of this massager is made very much the same as most other massagers on the market. It is a soft silicone that is smooth and contains several ribbed lines along the bottom of the head that are there purely for aesthetic purposes. The head is also very flexible and pivots along your body effortlessly. The body of the massager is made of hard plastic and features pink detailing along the front. The MyPleasure logo is printed on the back of this massager, which is a really cute touch, although for some reason it is printed in orange instead of the light pink seen on the rest of this toy. Honestly, this really doesn’t matter and I think it’s more of my OCD getting the best of me for wanting everything to be consistent and uniform-like.

What’s really cool about the Fairy Pocket Mini USB is the fact that it is rechargeable and, you guessed it!, only by USB. I have another massager that charges via USB, although it also came with a wall-charger that I have always opted to use instead. The Fairy Pocket Mini USB arrived fully charged, but with just the third time I used it, it suddenly puttered to a full stop. After a full recharge via USB, which can be plugged in on the side of the massager and then into your computer, it again came to a full stop after only two more uses.

I didn’t time myself for each use to determine just how long it actually stays charged, although I think I should have because I doubt it keeps a charge for as long as the product description claims. According to the description, 90 minutes of charging gives you up to 70 minutes of use. Perhaps it clocks in lower if you use it on its highest setting all the time, which I do. That would make more sense to me.

While the Fairy Pocket Mini USB is charging, the lower-half of the massager lights up blue. This lets you know that it is indeed charging. When it is finished, the blue light shuts off.

There are two different levels of intensity with this massager. To turn it on, you just move the plastic switch in the center of the toy upwards which will start the vibration at its low setting. Slide the switch up once more and the intensity of the vibrations increase substantially. For something so, incredibly tiny, the intensity of the vibrations from this massager are pretty outstanding. The amount of power this super small thing has is something I definitely was not expecting.

Another thing I was not expecting–the intensity of my orgasms with this tiny, tiny massager. Seriously. I’m really surprised by how well it can get me off, even if it at times it does take a little longer than it does with some of my other toys, like the Wahl, for example.

I am rather surprisingly impressed by the Fairy Pocket Mini USB. I didn’t think it would possess the power that it does, although I do wish that it could hold a charge longer so I wouldn’t take it out and in mere minutes have it completely stop on me. That would certainly make it better and a lot less frustrating.

Thanks to MyPleasure for the opportunity to review the Fairy Pocket Mini USB. Check them out to see all the other massagers and wand vibrators they stock!

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