Why Women Let Themselves Go
Women aren’t on their own list of priorities.
“After taking care of everyone else, they are always putting themselves last on the list, and often have very little left to give. There are many women who aren’t living—they just exist. This is a form of self-abuse. Women often wear their exhaustion as a badge of honor. The more you do for your loved ones, the more acceptable it becomes to “let yourself go.” Women believe its okay to sacrifice themselves for their own families. This is a lie that we allow ourselves to buy into, but we need to wake up! The challenge for women is that they must re-language what it means to be a wife and mother. Being a good wife and mother means that if you don’t take care of yourself, in the long run you are ultimately harming all the other people you love in your life. You won’t be the only one who takes the hit.
Fear of Competition
Media and society frequently tell women we need to portray ourselves as “together” and be able to perform any task thrown our way. But when women look at the reality of how overwhelmed they feel in their own lives, they begin to feel like they are not good or worthy enough. Women often see other women who look like they are “doing it all”—and then when they compare themselves, they become overwhelmed and feel inadequate. It’s not easy to face feelings of inadequacy so women usually end up avoiding them. But women need to know you can’t show up in your own life if you are on the run. They tell themselves they are too tired and burdened to compete with others so they don’t believe they have the power to change anything. Then they “drop out” of the game—they give up and let themselves go.
Unresolved anger contributes to letting go
Sometimes women “drop out” because they don’t know how to send a verbal message that says, “Get off my back.” They have unresolved feelings of anger or rage toward someone or about something so they “let themselves go” to express that. When women give up on themselves, they are often sending messages of anger and it could be because of something traumatic that happened in the past or because of unhappiness in a current relationship…like with a parent, husband, or child.
We let fear take over.
Women become paralyzed in their lives and let themselves go because of an underlying fear. A fear of rejection, a fear to accept how they really feel about themselves, a fear of facing the idea that they aren’t enough, a fear of accepting how others may feel about them. They let the fear take over and let other people determine their own self worth. The internal barometer that gauges guides and directs your life as an empowered woman—that makes you know you are enough and okay—is broken and needs to be fixed”.
Rediscover Who You Are
The “Who Am I?” Journal
Who am I? It’s a lifelong question, and getting beyond appearances and labels is the crucial first step in launching your comeback. Be Still! Be Present! The primary thing in your life is the now…the present… there is never anything else”.
No matter who you are, where you live, how rich you are or what your age is, life happens to all of us. However, we are all different and we need to find our own way.
So, I ask you this; What does a valuable life mean to you?
Live passionately… what else have you got to do?
shirley on Thu, 1st Jan 2009 1:14 am
I have been out of work for 6 months,and I am trying not to break down. I have filled out applications,had interviews, but no luck.Maybe the new year will bring something.
Fiona on Fri, 2nd Jan 2009 1:52 am
I think I have a slight of unresolved problems with siblings & I think I need more quality time to reflect & reposition myself. Yes, I’m exhausted fulfilling the perfect figure as people expect. But with the New Year coming, I’m trying to be more balanced & realistic finishing all chorus & tasks according to my energy level…
linda on Thu, 8th Jan 2009 11:36 am
I am having a hard time letting go of my 28 year marriage. My husband has been two timing me for a few years. He is always contrite, yet refuses to break off the relationship with the other woman. I want to believe in this man I always felt was good; however, in my heart I know I have been treated poorly and can not allow it any longer. This is a co-dependency. How do I break it and have a healthy relationship?
Coach Chris on Sun, 11th Jan 2009 7:30 pm
Shirley, although this is a difficult time for you, it is most important to go easy on yourself. Give yourself permission to add self care to your life. It’s OK for it to be all about you sometimes. Think of self care as any act of nurturing, meaning anything that enhances your level of health, wellness and happiness. Look at all areas such as physical, mental, social, spiritual and financial.
Often the news of an impending economic recession is accompanied by an equally heavy mental recession – our minds shrink to thoughts of
fear and uncertainty, and the days ahead seem filled with gloom. It need not be like this, and in fact we are only making the
situation worse for ourselves by becoming more depressed.
Fear is a reactive mechanism that operates when our identity is threatened.
My hubby got let go 1 yr. ago from an executive position. Times are challenging to say the least. I encourage him to be grateful, and that new and exciting opportunities will arise.
Here is a link to an article you may find interesting-Careers with Confidence: 6 Steps to Getting Back to WorkDisney family.com
Christine
http://www.girltimecoaching.com
Coach Chris on Sun, 11th Jan 2009 7:36 pm
Bravo Fiona! Life is about choices and commitment…
“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
~ Steve Jobs
Cheers!
Christine
Coach Chris on Sun, 11th Jan 2009 7:50 pm
Dearest Linda,
The past has NO power and the future has NO presence
Release your past…Forgive yourself.
We hold ourselves hostage to so many old thoughts and old regrets,so many should-haves, couldhaves,and if onlys.
Sometimes it’s at a steady low volume in our
heads, like background music; other times we turn the volume up
so loud that we can’t hear anything great coming out of
ourselves.
After the rain comes the rainbow. After the hurt comes the healing. Unfolding gently, closer every day, this is the natural way of things.
Hard times soften and fade. Hope rises to the surface, and smiles gradually find their way to faces as reminders of some of the precious things tomorrow will surely bring: Life always leads in that direction. Too slowly sometimes, but always
towards a more beautiful horizon. After sadness, resolve. After weakness, so much strength.
I’ll wish you strength,comforting thoughts and guiding signs and an innercompass that will help you know.
If you ever need a little reassurance that things are going to be all right, I’ll do whatever I can to remind you that…
I am a certified life coach for Women, that help women through transition. http://www.girltimecoaching.com
The secret of contentment?
Doing things that are good for your soul.
Hugs,
Christine
Marvin Mistello on Wed, 21st Jan 2009 5:39 am
This is a great article Christine. As a dating coach for women, I can definitely attest to the fact that many of my clients seem to prioritize discovering how to get a man before discovering their true selves first. I’ll definitely be sharing this with them. Thanks.
Destiny on Thu, 2nd Sep 2010 9:08 am
Sometimes in life we get so busy with other things and other people, we end up neglecting ourselves. It’s good to have some alone time and I agree that having a journal where you write things about yourself, who you think you are and what you want, etc. is a good thing.